Hal's Dead

And I find it kind of sad. You've gotta be extra tough to survive in this town.

You'll Flush And You'll Like It

A lot of toilet technology on these pages lately. Go figure. The latest and greatest are waterless urinals - the perfect application of technology and conservation. Unfortunately, a plumber's union in Philly does not share my sanguine outlook. Apparently, less water means fewer pipes and that means less graft work and overbilling overtime. The unions have flexed their muscles and slowed down work on what was to be a showcase for eco- friendly design in high rise construction. I'm generally sympathetic to unions but not this time. I can't help but read stories like this and think about scenes from a Sopranos' episode where mob surrogates hook up their buddies with imaginary jobs, driving up the cost of business, infliciting violence on those who threaten the gravy train, all so they can afford to re-pave the driveways of their Jersey Shore summer homes. Time to adapt guys, the future has just begun, and while some things may change, I'm pretty sure we'll still be needing water piped into our homes and businesses for a long time.

Leadership - Where you At?

I make no secret of my disgust with the current administration and the policies it promotes, but 6 years into this presidency and I'm still waiting for a clear platform from the Democrats. How are we going to end the war and deal with terrorism in the future? How are we going to deal with rising oil prices? The environment? Immigration? Abortion? Our weakened armed forces? Civil liberties? Trade Deficits? Democrats seem schockingly inept these days; capable only of reacting, and lets face it, as counterpunchers, they suck. It'd be nice to know what the Dems have in mind should they regain the White House or Congress. This is not to say that the GOP demonstrates excellent leadership, they don't, but at least they've focused on doing one thing right, winning elections, and that's more than the Dems can say. Maybe more than the bitter partisanship that's dividing our country, what we really should be worried about is the absence of exemplary leadership in either party. Winning elections and being suited for the job are clearly two distinct skill sets.

For The Children

More great shirts.

ITMFA

Show your patriotic love for our country with one of these stylin' pins.

Your Dog Wants a Taco

Maybe if you stopped feeding your dog Taco Bell you wouldn't be needing this. No, you're not seeing things - it's a flatulence controlling dog thong. Cisqo, it's time for a comeback.

Too Bad It's Not An SS

I see your Franken-Vette and raise you one Geo-Camino. I didn't think it was possible to bastardize a Geo.

For the UBER lazy

A microwave sized dish-washer. If your dirty dishes fit into this, you don't have a lot of dirty dishes. Besides, if you don't have room for a full sized dishwasher, you probably don't have much counter space either. So where are you supposed to put this? My advice, buy some Joy and wash your 4 cups and two plates yourself.

Use By Dates

Someone breaks it down.

Give me (anything but) your tired, poor ...

I want to write about the immigration battle drawing huge crowds of pro-immigrant supporters to the streets around the country but I have not yet studied the proposed legislation. While I catch up and find a way to provide searing yet humorous commentary (natch), I wanted to highlight another way we can all help our Latino brothers and sisters. Donate to the LUL Foundation! The LUL Foundation is a non-profit volunteer run scholarship organization that provides financial assistance to bright Latino college students across the country. Since our founding in 1999, we (I'm merely the webmaster) have awarded over $70,000 in scholarships and grants. This is what Larissa Mercado-López, one of our recent scholars had to say about LULF:

“As a mother of two young children, a full-time Ph.D. student, and a research assistant, I am grateful for any assistance that comes my way. Thank you, for not only helping students like me, but for existing. It is organizations such as this one that exemplify some of the best characteristics of the Latina/o community - extended support, dedication, loyalty, and unity.”

As an IRS designated public charity, donations are fully tax deductible. Your help is greatly appreciated. For more information and to donate, please click here.

The Israel Lobby

The London Review of Books is carrying an excerpt of a controversial new paper by American Professors John Mearsheimer and Stephen Walt - The Israel Lobby. Mearsheimer (U. of Chicago) and Walt (Harvard) argue that a coalition of disproportionately powerful American Jewish lobbying firms, think tanks, media firms, and wealthy individuals, some with stronger allegiance to Israel than America, have co-opted American foreign policy with respect to the Middle East to the detriment of American national security. The Jewish community's response to the paper has been swift and thorough; prominent writers, scholars, and Jewish organizations have all posted rebuttals.

I find this piece interesting not because it's well written, it isn't, but because of the scarcity of mainstream research and opinion critical to Israel. To merely speak of an Israeli lobby almost reflectively draws charges of anti-semitism, charges the writers claim are used to control the public discourse away from critical analysis. The fact that actual anti-semites have praised the paper does nothing to further the discussion.

Modern political discourse and freedom of speech require us to treat no topics as off limits, regardless of whose sensibilities are offended, so I hope baseless charges of anti-semitism don't derail further analysis and discussion of the issues Mearsheimer and Walt raise. Unfortunately for them - and it's really quite baffling to understand - they've presented a paper that falls short of the standards of research and analysis required to make a convincing argument about such a complex and multifaceted subject.

Natural Marvels

I wonder what the evolutionary purpose is for these transparent butterfly wings. Very cool.

We Put the Afghan in Stan

Religious persecution; another reason religion is the worst invention ever.

Afghanistan was supposed to be the country that validated the war on terror. We routed the Taliban and installed Hamid Karzai as president and for what? Afghanistan's constitution reflects Shariah law - same as when the Taliban ruled. Under Shariah, conversion away from Islam is in fact punishable by death, women have limited no rights, yada, yada, yada.

In a nutshell, we ousted an extremist fundamentalist government that hated us, brutalized it's people, and openly trained and supported terrorists, and replaced it with an extremist fundamentalist government that hates us a little less, brutalizes it's people a little less, and which has no chance of controlling the terrorists still using the country as a training and organizing ground. I guess this is a net victory for us; it seems like having people on the payroll is going to save this guy's life - is this what they mean by pyrrhic victory?

As the Dubai Ports deal demonstrated, the reality of our country's foreign policy doesn't jive very well with the propaganda used to sell it to American people. It's easy to exploit an unquestioning populace's patriotism and anger, not so easy to deliver a world that fits the ad campaign. Be All You Can Be - Except a Christian in Afghanistan.

A Refined Animal

Friday night at 10:30 I headed to Beast for a late night dinner. Beast has earned a spot in my dining out circuit because of it's high quality food, casual but sophisticated environment, and relatively late hours. It also doesn't hurt that the bartender (who I know) makes great wine recommendations and pours generously.

I tend to go Beast feeling hungrier than usual so I inevitably choose one of their red meat entrees. I've had the hangar steak, the ribs, and this time, the cheeseburger. Each has been a hit. The quality of ingredients at Beast is apparent as is the skill of those who prepare them. I believe, but can't confirm, that Beast uses grass fed, free range, and organic meats whenever possible. You're also likely to find items like wild Salmon and other non-farm raised seafood.

Appetizers also shine at Beast. My favorite is a battered and fried Manchego cheese - a truly great moment in cheese. Other appetizers I've tried - all excellent - are marinated mushroom satays, Spanish style egg torta, olive and cheese plates, and the fried cheese (wait, did I already mention that?).

All this quality comes at a medium high price. Though most items on the menu cost less than $12, plate sizes are small - tapas-ish - so most people (that I hang with) will need at least one appetizer in addition to their entree to feel satiated. Beast is a great place for a romantic dinner but is also good for a casual meal with friends who appreciate high quality food and wine.

A bill for two including two entrees, two appetizers, and two glasses of wine came to $65 before gratuity. Beast is located on the corner of Vanderbilt and Bergen in Prospect Heights, Brooklyn.

Joke's On Us

I Need This (II)

For those of you who really really want to treat me well this Christmas I present the GhostFace Killah Doll featuring real 14k gold chain and pimp cup with Swarovski crystals. The robe is made of the finest velvet and has an inside pocket for mini-blunts. All for only $500. Make it happen people! (it appears that demand for this gem has crashed the website, hopefully it will be back up soon).

We called them Box Checkers ...

Someone who claims minority status to take advantage of affirmative action while having no affiliation to the culture. Meet fellow Boriqua Ben Domenech, the new short lived conservative blogger serial plagiarizer at the washingtonpost.com. Like most box checkers, after benefitting from AA, little 'ole Ben realized decided he'd get farther in his party by claiming that AA is grossly unjust (for more on this phenomenon, see Clarence Thomas). For more on Ben check out this blog.

All for God's glory

Hi all, my name is La Shawn Barber. I'm a self hating African American black woman, Jesus freak, lunatic, and president of my gated community's NPDETALIMN club - you know, nigga please don't even think about living in my neighborhood. I used to have a problem with the drinky drink - it was the only way I could deal with the pain of being born black - but ever since I've found an outlet for my self hate through blogging, who needs a drink? Besides, drinking has been fouled by liberals, Cuba Libre, I don't think so. Even Southern Comfort (a great drink and concept, btw) can't compare to the high that comes from self hate.

Conservatives, republicans, and experts in southern heritage call me courageous, I'm flattered, but like Jesus (he's white btw, deal with it), I know I'm simply doing God's will. Anywhoo, I have a huge problem with a proposed bill to pardon segregation law violators arrested during the civil rights era. Liberals, communists, and probably the French, now want to glorify the courage and sacrifice of those people who rose against state sponsored terrorism and risked their lives and freedom. Only liberals would want to honor criminals.

Don't forget to check out my new book: The Constitution - Did The Founding Fathers Go Too Far?; Due Process and The Unknown Story of Communist Infiltration at Liberty Hall (with a special chapter on new evidence that John Hancock and Ben Franklin were gay).

OMG

I've been busy all day at work. That is all.

Confetti Redux

It was only a few days ago that we took a peek at the issue of credit card fraud. Well tonight, I opened my mailbox to find this suspect post card claiming to be from Citibank and urging me to call regarding a security issue. The manner in which the information was sent to me - via a flimsy postcard - raised my suspicion; could this be an attempt to phish my account information? Surprisingly, it wasn't. The number on the postcard matched the number on the back of my credit card. Apparently, a merchant - I don't know who - where I had recently completed a transaction, was hacked and my transaction data was compromised. Fortunately no charges had been made on the account and we cancelled the existing card and account number.

City Guide - The City's Best*

These rankings are questionable but this is a good place to look for restaurant and bar ideas.

Truckers Don't Need Squat Toilets

They need the Piss Pit Stop Portable. With a capacity of 1.25 gallons, a properly medicated driver could make the run from Sheboygan to Texarkana in no time flat.

Completing the Weed Trifecta

These are some dedicated drug dealers - can you imagine the photoshop hours this packaging required? More at the Smoking Gun

Why Not?

Watch a monkey wash a cat.

Sweet - I'm rich!

Looks like I hit the jackpot (but don't tell anyone, it's a secret):

Free MILLENIUM LOTTERY S.L
Calle Galileo, 32-4
Madrid Branch, Spain.
Telefax: +34-670-847-929
Reference numbers: ES6075b0119
Batch numbers: ND/19734231

YOUR E-MAIL ADDRESS WON THE LOTTERY.

We wish to congratulate you over your success in our computer balloting sweepstake held on 6th Feb, 2006. This is a millennium scientific computer game in which email addresses were used. It is a promotional program aimed at encouraging internet users.Therefore you do not need to buy ticket to enter for it. Your email address attached to ticket number 11,17,31,35,36,50 drew the lucky star numbers which consequently won the draw in the Second category. You have been approved for the star prize of One million euros (€1,000,000.00).CONGRATULATIONS!!!

You are advised to keep this winning very confidential until you receive your lump prize in your account. This is a protective measure to avoid double claiming by people you may tell. Send your winning ticket numbers, reference numbers, batch numbers, amount won, and your personal data to Philip Moore for processing of your claim or fill the for attache to this notificatio and forward by fax to Cambel Security Finance And Clearing House S.A:Avda. de la Constitución 14, E-628850 - Torrejón de Ardoz (Madrid)Tel: +34-658-082-613.

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CONTACT PERSON: Mr Philip Moore.Email address: securityclaimhouse@mynet.comIf you are under the age of 18, you are automatically disqualified for this star prize.Congratulations once more from all members and staff of this program.Yours faithfully,

146 Junior Bacon Cheesburgers

For a measly $146 you can purchase this barebones PC that will allow you to surf the web, email, basic wordprocessing, and audio/video playback. Or you could go to Wendy's and treat everybody to a sammich. This system runs on Linux, a free alternative to Windows that allows manufacturers to avoid royalty payments. This isn't going to work for everybody, but it's a nice way to give a child or senior access to the web without breaking the bank.

City of Lights

Check out this cool high-rez panoramic shot of Paris. Hat tip Arkasippi.

How is Dorito Consumption Affected?

My bad, I already know that one. Anyway, a friend sent me this for some reason.

The Dream's Been Vaporized

From Overheard:

Girl #1: What's a pipe dream?
Girl #2: ...It's like a farfetched dream.
Girl #1: Yeah, I always thought it was, like, an idea someone got when they were high and they thought it was a good idea at the time because...you know, they were stoned.
Girl #2: You're retarded.

Who Needs A Squat Toilet ...

When you have a human shit catcher on the job?

Oregonians For Food & Shelter

Sounds like an advocacy group for the poor but they're actually a pesticide lobbying group. Obviously.

How Big D Gets His News

It's 1:00 on Monday and I have no work to do (not good or a good sign). I've been keeping busy by catching up on news and blogs:

Newspapers and General News Sites
The Buffalo News (still got love for the home town; go Sabres)
The New York Daily News (mostly for sports)
The New York Times (basic news)
The Washington Post (basic news)
Philly.com (morbid curiosity, and Eagles and Sixers news)
CNN (out of habit)

Sports
CNNSI (Peter King's Monday Morning Quarterback)
ESPN (obvious)
CBSsportsline (whatever CNNSI and ESPN miss)
Two Bills Drive (you guessed it)

Tech
Gizmodo (one of my faves)
SlickDeals (never know what kind of insane deal you might find)
BoingBoing (cool stuff)
Engadget (whatever Gizmodo misses)

Real Estate
Curbed (news about real estate I can't afford)
Brownstoner (brooklyn real estate - most of which I can't afford)
DailyHeights (news and stories about the nabe)

Politics
Daily Kos (summaries of current hot issues)
Talking Points Memo (picks a topic then goes hard; currently; Abramoff Inc.)
Alicublog (funny)
James Wolcott (smart and funny)
Lawyers, Guns & Money (smart)
Eschaton (good links)
Firedoglake (detailed analysis)
Tbogg (good in many areas)
Roger Ailes (the poor Roger Ailes not the rich one)
Crooks And Liars (good video clips; they love John Stewart)
Andrew Sullivan (for agita)

Misc.
Jalopnik (cars)
Fark (humor)
Blogger (of course!)

How does one read so many sites so quickly? Skill Son!

Ever Shit in One of These?

I took this picture in Japan; unfortunately I wasn't brave enough try it out. Little did I know that the pros and cons of squat toilets are heavily debated. According to Wikipedia, one advantage to squat toilets is "the splashing of water on the buttocks after a heavy defecation does not occur." On the other hand, a disadvantage is "splatter on legs and feet." Two sides of the same coin it appears. I think I prefer the sit down kind, but not when they've been pissed on. And on that note, have a great weekend!

Big D's Real Estate Institute

Ever read a real estate listing that sounded like this - "rare opportunity to own a charming loft residence home" - only to discover that it's describing a 300 square foot studio overlooking the entrance to the Lincoln Tunnel? As with online personal ads, real estate descriptions are filled with code words; nothing says you won't find much space in a particular apartment than the word charming. (Disclosure: I hate charm filled apartments).

Sometimes, however, charm is all you can afford, so the real issue becomes, how much charm can you afford? For this question, price per square foot should be a key factor in your due diligence. The simple example is a 1000 sf apartment selling for $1,000,000, or $1000 psf. Just a few years ago, $1000 psf was seen as the benchmark of luxury, a plane only the most exclusive and desirable real estate could generate. Not any more. Today, luxury units in Manhattan sell for far above $1000 psf (here's a 3900 sf duplex selling for $4.975 million) while even mundane studio spaces often creep past the former benchmark (here's a large but unremarkable 748 sf studio selling for 769k).

If the prices aren't enough to make you weep, trying to get an accurate square footage determination will. Determinations of square footage are notoriously inaccurate; in this building, square footage includes the percentage of elevator and hallway space attributed to each unit - a fact buried in the fine print of the prospectus. The result in this case was to make the price per square foot of livable space go from $1230 to $1393. Not only are you paying more per sf, but your monthly maintenance payments are impacted since they are based on square footage. There are standards for measuring square footage, but in most cases they serve as guidelines, not requirements.

What should a buyer do? For one, bring a tape measure with you when seeing a unit. During the recent boom, such an act would have been seen as foolish, now, however, since it appears that the market has cooled down a bit - inventory is up and apartments are taking longer to sell - a big discrepancy in square footage may be a bargaining chip in your favor. By using a psf standard, it also becomes easier to compare the cost of housing in different neighborhoods (and cities). Mostly though, accurate psf's allow you to make a more informed decision and when you're spending this kind of money, information is key.

Next time on Big D's Real Estate Institute - Co-ops: The Gated Communities of New York. What do co-op boards call dog owning lawyers? Renters. What do they call Puerto Ricans? People who don't live in my building (Spics also acceptable).

Everyone's Irish Today

Except for the gays. Happy St. Patrick's Day. Keep your pink fruity hands off me lucky charms.

What "Totalled" Looks Like

Few things produce more anxiety than middle of the night calls. You can't help but wonder what kind of bad news awaits on the other side of the receiver. Such was the scene a couple of months ago when I received news that my good friend Angel had been seriously injured in a car accident. His injuries were severe, but they could have been even worse. Through hard work and with support of his wife, family, and friends, he's on the road to recovery. This is what's left of his car. Today is his birthday; Happy Birthday Kid!

Mission (still not) Accomplished

A few weeks into the war, conservative elites mocked the naysayers:

"The only people who think this wasn't a victory are Upper Westside liberals, and a few people here in Washington."(Charles Krauthammer, Inside Washington, WUSA-TV, 4/19/03)

"The war was the hard part. The hard part was putting together a coalition, getting 300,000 troops over there and all their equipment and winning. And it gets easier. I mean, setting up a democracy is hard, but it is not as hard as winning a war." (Fox News Channel's Fred Barnes, 4/10/03)

"Tommy Franks and the coalition forces have demonstrated the old axiom that boldness on the battlefield produces swift and relatively bloodless victory. The three-week swing through Iraq has utterly shattered skeptics' complaints." (Fox News Channel's Tony Snow, 4/27/03)

"We're all neo-cons now." (MSNBC's Chris Matthews, 4/9/03)

"This will be no war -- there will be a fairly brief and ruthless military intervention.... The president will give an order. [The attack] will be rapid, accurate and dazzling.... It will be greeted by the majority of the Iraqi people as an emancipation. And I say, bring it on."(Christopher Hitchens, in a 1/28/03 debate-- cited in the Observer, 3/30/03)

"I will bet you the best dinner in the gaslight district of San Diego that military action will not last more than a week. Are you willing to take that wager?" (Fox News Channel's Bill O'Reilly, 1/29/03)

More spectacularly wrong pronouncements at FAIR.

These Things Take Time (II)

Add Jamaica to the list of countries that have elected a female leader. Welcome to the sorority.

Improving the Gene Pool - By Dying

(19 March 2005, Michigan) "Unusual" and "complicated" is how the Missaukee County sheriff described the mysterious death of 19-year-old Christopher.

After an evening spent imbibing large quantities of alcohol, Christopher noticed a shortage in his liquor supply that could not be attributed to his own depredations. He concluded that his neighbor had stolen a bottle of booze! He menaced the neighbor with a knife, to no avail, whereupon he retired to his own apartment to brood about revenge.

Finally he figured out the perfect way to get back at that conniving bottle-thief: Christopher would stab himself and blame the neighbor! A witness saw Christopher enter the bathroom as he called 911. He calmly informed the dispatcher that his neighbor had stabbed him. Witnesses said he looked fine when he emerged from the bathroom, but a moment later gouts of blood spewed from his chest. Suddenly he began screaming begging for help. The dispatcher heard a woman shout, "Why did you do this?" He collapsed at the door of his apartment.

Deputies arrived quickly, but Christopher had already bled to death from self-inflicted stab wounds to his chest. An autopsy determined that he had stabbed himself in the chest twice. The first wound apparently didn't look dangerous enough, so he tried again. The second time, the knife plunged into his left ventricle. This wound was plenty dangerous: he had only two minutes to live.

Christopher died in vain. His deathbed accusation of his neighbor failed, as a witness confirmed that the neighbor was not in the apartment. All Christopher got for revenge was an accidental death sentence.

More at Darwin Awards.

Union Imperialism. WTF?

I'm not familiar with the history of unions but it is really shocking to learn that powerful American unions had such insidious roles in US foreign policy. Any ILR alums out there care to elaborate?

In his much-discussed essay calling for Democrats to embrace a more hawkish foreign policy last year, Peter Beinart noted that in 1944, the conservative AFL set up the Free Trade Union Committee, which, in Beinart's retelling, "worked to build an anti-totalitarian labor movement around the world," undermining Communist efforts in Italy, France, and Greece. Right. That's certainly the rosy version of the story.

Less well-known is that the AFL also worked with the CIA to overthrow the elected Arbenz government in Guatemala in 1954, helped set up drug smuggling routes in Europe, and in 1962, established the American Institute for Free Labor Development (AIFLD) which helped lay the groundwork for U.S.-backed military coups in Brazil in 1964, the Dominican Republic in 1965, and Chile in 1975, among others. Under the aegis of "business unionism," the AFL-CIO supported military dictatorships around the world against leftist and progressive unions. Among other things, it supported the Reagan administration's refusal to conduct a review of labor rights under the military regime in El Salvador for most of the 1980s, because, as Human Rights Watch noted, those being repressed were mostly left-wing unionists.

Read more here.

The Year in Porn Titles

A few of 2005's greatest hits:

Hollywood: Mr. & Mrs. Smith
Porn: Mr. & Mrs. & Mrs. & Mrs. & Mrs. Smith

Hollywood: Robots
Porn: Hobots

Hollywood: 40 Year Old Virgin
Porn: 40 18 Year Old Virgins

And for the Kids

Hollywood: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Porn: Charlie in my Chocolate Factory

See the complete list.

I Need This

It's never too early to start planning what to get me for Christmas, people. It's called the Guinness Surger and I want one. You place a glass of Guiness on this contraption, press a button and presto, you've got yourself a pub worthy pint.

"Chosen People" Is So Old Testament

Jerry Falwell clears up a misunderstanding:

"Earlier today, reports began circulating across the globe that I have recently stated that Jews can go to heaven without being converted to Jesus Christ. This is categorically untrue....Like the Apostle Paul, I pray daily for the salvation of everyone, including the Jewish people."

Who would want to be in heaven with that guy? Besides, as Pope John Paul has reported, heaven isn't all it's cracked up to be.

Gordon Parks

Pioneering photographer and film maker Gordon Parks passed away last week at the age of 93. Read more here.

What happens in Vegas - IS FUN!

From Post Secret:

Confetti, It's Not Just For Parades

Ever tear up an un-wanted credit card application and throw it in the trash? In this world of identity theft and dumpster diving, what risks are you exposing yourself to? This guy decided to find out what would happen if he sent in a credit card application that had been torn up and taped back together. To make it a little easier on the bank, he also changed the mailing address and gave a cell number as the primary number. No bank would issue a card under these circumstances, would they? Let's just say, it's time to buy a good shredder (confetti cut) if you don't already have one. I own this one; piece of mind for about $70.

Neat

This sidewalk artist has a serious handle on perspective.

My Building Is Dying

It's official, my building is a few rumblings of the R train away from collapsing - I hope I'm not home when it happens, that would really really suck. Knowing that I'm living in a structurally unsound building makes life so exciting! I come home from work each night wondering if I'll see a bunch of hipsters from Williamsburg rummaging through what's left of my possessions. Dude, there's some awesome stuff in the rubble, check out this digital buffalo I snagged!

Sure I saw the severely sloped floors when I moved in, the wobbly stairs, the less than pristine condition of the building, but my broker said those things added charm and who am I to argue with a broker?

So I'll be moving soon - I barely knew ye 662 4th Ave. I let my landlord know I expect to be compensated for all the inconvenience, afterall, I've only been in the place for 8 months. Carlos, I expect you to do the right thing, relax David, I wouldn't even think of not returning your security deposit. You're a credit to landlords Carlos, God bless you!

On the bright side, I get to search for an apartment again - yippee! I mean, who doesn't love apartment hunting in New York? This time though, I'm looking for a broker who specializes in charm-free apartments ...

Project Gutenberg

I dig this idea but don't know how practical it is. Project Gutenberg is an online provider of free ebooks. They have digitized for download over 17,000 non-copyrighted works; mostly older classics that can be freely reproduced by anyone. As much as I love how technology is being used to help disseminate these works, I don't find the prospect of reading a novel on a screen too appealing. I suppose you could download them and print them at the office when nobody's around, but that seems tedious. A low cost printed alternative for these kinds of titles is Dover Thrift Editions; most of the titles in their library sell for $2-$3.

No, Not Really

I have my share of issues with Walmart's poor labor practices and I question the quality of their goods, but the guy who designed this needs some perspective. Nazi icons, Mao, the guy from Scream and a cattle crossing sign, WTF?

Overheard in the checkout ailse: Pull the Franken-Vette around honey, I got us a shit load of Charmin on sale. Can you believe it, that must be two Redwoods worth of toilet paper for $4, I don't know how they do it.

Overheard

From Overheard In New York:

Girl: Damn, when my grandmother see me in this, she gone have a strizzoke!

--Filene's Basement, Union Square

Abreasted Development

A few nights ago during a marathon drinking session at a neighborhood bar I met a woman from Seattle who was in New York for a job interview. I learned she was a writer and we discussed her submitting a piece to Kwotebel. Her name is Jennifer Gerstenberger and true to her word, she forwarded this personal and funny essay to me for publication here. Enjoy and as always, your comments are much appreciated.

Abreasted Development by Jennifer Gerstenberger.

Is that Rabbit?

This furry lobster was discovered 7500 feet below sea level. It's like the Chewbacca of shrimp.

Next time, make sure you die

I hope those 30 seconds were worth a lifetime in jail. Asshole.

Rapist's Bill of Rights

Becomes law in South Dakota - no abortion except to save the mother's life. No exception for pregnancies resulting from rape or incest. Go Red States!

HTML SKILLZ - SON!

This gang has a website complete with legal disclaimers. When did bangers start getting their HTML on?

Not Alone, But Lonely

Suttree by Cormac McCarthy (1992)

Suttree is the story of an emotionally wounded loner who lives among a motley assortment of criminals, alcoholics, and other societal outcasts on the outskirts of Knoxville in the 1950s. Suttree is estranged from his family, but it's never made completely clear why he walked out his wife and child, his relatives, and the life of privilege he led. Surviving day-to-day on whatever money he earns from the spoils of his fishing, he never has more than a few dollars in his pocket, and those are inevitably spent by the day's end.

In this world of misfits and outcasts, happiness and companionship are fleeting. Hunger, cold, and drunkeness fill days. But there is more, the community that Suttree inhabits is filled with characters who befriend, support, and care for each other. Each character innately understanding the vulnerability they have in common. Each having experienced degrees of pain and hopelessness.

McCarthy's prose is complex and dense; more than average concentration is required of the reader. It's not uncommon to find yourself re-reading passages, each re-reading allowing the words and imagery to more fully unfold in your mind. The payoff are passages rich and full of feeling. The world McCarthy describes has layer upon layer of detail and through Suttree's gaze the elemental and temporal nature of life is revealed.

I'd recommend McCarthy to patient and focused readers. People who don't need an immediate payoff and who appreciate prose and language. An alternative to Suttree is Blood Meridian, a more intense, violent, and perhaps more accessible work. McCarthy is an author who will leave an impression.

"The willows at the far shore cut from the night a prospect of distant mountains dark against a paler sky. Halfmoon incandescent in her black galatic keyway, the heavens locked and wheeling. A sole star to the north pale and constant, the old wanderer's beacon burning like a molten spike that tethered the Small Bear to the turning firmament. He closed his eyes and opened them and looked again. He was struck by the fidelity of this earth he inhabited and he bore it sudden love."

"You see a man, he scratchin' to make it. Think once he got it made everything be all right. But you don't never have it made. Don't care who you are. Look up one morning and you a old man. You got nothin to say to your brother. Don't know no more'n when you started."

"He looked at a world of incredible loveliness. Old distaff Celt's blood in some back chamber of his brain moved him to discourse with the birches, with the oaks. A cool green fire kept breaking in the woods and he could hear the footsteps of the dead. Everything had fallen from him. He scarce could tell where his being ended or the world began nor did he care. He lay on his back in the gravel, the earth's core sucking his bones, a moment's giddy vertigo with this illusion of falling outward through blue and windy space, over the offside of the planet, hurtling through the high thin cirrus."

"Somewhere in the gray wood by the river is the huntsman and in the brooming corn and in the castellated press of cities. His work lies all wheres and his hounds tire not. I have seen them in a dream slaverous and wild and their eyes crazed with ravening for souls in this world. Fly them."

I heart James Wolcott

James Wolcott on the controversy that this year's Oscar selections don't reflect the values of Heartland America:

Anyway, the 'Hollywood doesn't reflect mainstream America argument is one of the oldest and phoniest in the playbook, with Michael Medved making the same case that Catholic organizers did in the 30's to push for a decency code. The truth is that Hollywood has almost never reflected heartland values, from its birth it's reflected urban energy, cosmopolitan taste, social conscience, and pagan fascination, ...

The heartland issue is such a crock, especially when it's taken up by pseudo-populist pundits who cling to both coasts and wouldn't move to the middle of the country unless the name of that middle was Chicago. Fuck the heartland. It doesn't exist. It's a metaphor for all the simple good things Americans would believe in if they flattered themselves by believing in simple good things.

... There's no such thing as an average American anymore (if there ever was), unless by "average American" you mean (as news producers and pundits seem to do) white, middle-aged, heterosexual Christian small-towners and sub-urbanites who won't even be watching the Academy Awards because it'll be past their bedtime and they have elk to milk the next morning.

Piece Work Positions Available

It's awfully tough being an obscenely wealthy parent these days. First, it's nearly impossible to find a Harvard trained nanny fluent in five languages to watch little William during your afternoon facial. Now you have to worry about the real possibility that William will be denied what's his by birthright - admission into the right pre-school. How can this be happening to you? There is no greater pain for a parent than discovering that your child isn't good enough to finger paint with the other rich kids. Devastating!

To the parents I say, since any chance of your child having a meaningful, happy, and successful life is now lost, you might as well make them earn their keep. I hear they're hiring in Korea Town - Why you so lazy Billy? You only made 5 shirts in one hour, no more bathroom breaks for you. BUT I SHIT MYSELF!!!!!!!

For the prosecution, David Duke

From the Buffalo News:

A Southern Tier prosecutor was fired Thursday for participating in a recent conference of "white preservationists" in northern Virginia. ... Regan was quoted in a Sunday Washington Post article about the conference as saying demographics as well as U.S. policies on immigration and trade have put the country on the wrong path. He referred to participants as "white preservationists" and told the Post that "European Christian Americans are an endangered species."

Read the rest here.

Mention bias in our legal system and the average American will spit out two letters - OJ. When the OJ verdict came out I was a first year law student and during a luncheon with a professor, one of my classmates mentioned that the OJ verdict made him question his decision to join the legal profession. This from a 25+ year old ivy league law student! Apparently in whatever sheltered fantasy land this guy came from, until OJ, one would be hard pressed to find examples of injustice in our legal system. And of course, the one and only case EVER where a black man got over on the system was the representative case to use as evidence of a system out of control. (You know, now that I put it that way, I can see his point - I mean it must suck to see such a long streak end).

Our national myths are deeply held. Irony doesn't quite capture the gravity of this travesty.

Rare

Rare when the inside of a subway car is the cleaner and more peaceful environment.

Photo by Travis Ruse

Lent 0, Doritos 1

I need a Holy mulligan.

Touché

WASHINGTON, DC—In a press conference on the steps of the Capitol Monday, Congressional Democrats announced that, despite the scandals plaguing the Republican Party and widespread calls for change in Washington, their party will remain true to its hopeless direction.

"We are entirely capable of bungling this opportunity to regain control of the House and Senate and the trust of the American people," Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) said to scattered applause. "It will take some doing, but we're in this for the long and pointless haul."

Read more at la cebolla

Trouble with Comments

Those of you who have left comments may have noticed a delay in when the comments appear. Sometimes the comments appear immediately, other times the post indicates a comment was left but doesn't show the text of the comment, and sometimes the comment doesn't take at all. I'm hoping these are temporary bugs but if it looks like this will be an ongoing problem, I should be able to switch to a more stable comment hosting service. In any event, I'm aware of the problem and just know that even if your comment doesn't show up immediately, chances are it will show up eventually.

Bad Draw in Parent Lottery

This should not be happening. Even in Philly.

From Philly.com:

EVEN BY Philadelphia standards the scene was shocking, sickening and sad:

Second-graders at John M. Patterson School in Southwest Philadelphia, sitting in class Monday afternoon, passing small, pink bags of crack cocaine among themselves.

One girl even tasted the addictive substance - clueless of the danger brought into the K-through-4 school by a 7-year-old female classmate.

The game of crack roulette ended when a student informed a school counselor who happened to be in the classroom. The drugs were quickly confiscated, and school police officers called the city Police Department.

Find the rest of the article here

The Lost Art of Persuasion