Jam On It

This is probably just an exercise in photoshopping but I think it looks quite good. Comes pre-loaded with classic church hits: I've got that joy, joy, joy, joy, down in my heart and Jesus loves me this I know for the bible tells me so. Rock on!

The New Suicide Bombers

This Houston, TX pastor is telling his flock that Republicans need to be ousted this election because, drum roll please, they're delaying the second coming of JC by preventing Christian missionairies from working in Iraq, Iran and Syria. The only way to help speed up the return of JC is to cause widespread death, destruction, and misery in the Middle East. Praise Jesus! God is real; the death toll in Iraq, a figment of liberal imagination. This would be a lot less scary if our great leader, the guy with access to the nuke codes, was less inclined to look to the good book for guidance. Shall I wear this polka dot tie today, hmmm, let me check Corinthians. For more on the rapture, read up.

Three 12 Piece Buckets, Please

KFC plans to follow in the footsteps of Wendy's (and ahead of potential legislation in NYC), by dropping partially hydrogonated oils - "trans fats" - from its menu. Hydrogonated oils are among the worst things you can put into your body. Read more here. I can't wait for the change, I'm gonna eat KFC everyday. I mean, without trans fats, it's good for you isn't it?

Mr. Bush, Those Cameras You See, They're Filming You

Look, Read, Learn

This map (click to enlarge) accompanies this article from the Economist and it's the most informative thing I've read about the Middle East in a while. Managing our interests in the Middle East has never been easy, but it's a lot harder now. The nuanced truth, that (a) we have allies in the Middle East other than Israel, (b) moderate Arab leaders are willing to deal with us because they have as much if not more to lose from radical Islam than we do, (c) Saddam Hussein, though hostile to the US, was a stabilizing force in the region, in a region that needs stabilizing forces, (d) Israel's hankering for over the top retaliations, the kind that American hawks feel are essential in the war on terror, are making groups like Hizbullah sympathetic to a much wider audience in the Middle East, and (e) that Iran's growing influence in the region is seen as detrimental by other Arab states. This list could go on but the point is that the dumbed down version of world events and foreign policy that the American public is subjected to serves no one other than republicans hoping to cling to power. Let's hope that whomever takes over the White House after this administration understands these nuances and is willing to put real national security and effective diplomacy at the top of their agenda.

Too Fancy For Tennesee?

Harold Ford, Jr., Democratic Congressman from Tennesee is running against Republican Bob Corker for the Senate seat being vacated by Bill Frist. More local info on the race - which is very close by all accounts - here, and here. The national Republican Party is throwing a lot of money into the race (here's a sample of their handy work - FancyFord). Does this stuff work? Do people buy this? Compare the two most recent ads. One ad is designed to generate laughs and spread innuendo, the other shows the candidate personally laying out his position on the important issues. In a close race such as this one, which ads will help capture undecided or unmotivated voters?

Should Of El-Caminoized It Instead

A Honda Civic-amino would have been cool, instead these fools created the world's ugliest car that costs more than $500. Ugh. More horrifying pictures here.

One Of A Kind

How many of you are there?

Happy 30th

Sure, we've long since left analog technologies in the dust, but still, the VCR was a big deal in the history of consumer electronics. It had huge implications for how movies are distributed, led to changes in copyright law, and gave consumers tremendous power over how and when to consume media. I purchased my last VCR in 1998 right before I purchased my first DVD player. I'd say it's been used 10 times since then.

Glory Days of DVD Sales Over?

A writer from Entertainment Weekly writes about the DVD purchasing trap that he (and many of us) fell into:

Back when I was a kid, you never bought a movie on VHS. Every tape was, like, $89.99, so you rented it, and if for some reason you wanted to rewatch it, you just rented it again. But DVDs changed all that. Suddenly, movies were cheap — dirt cheap. For 20 bucks (and often less) you could own the film forever. ''How cool is that?'' we all asked ourselves as we stocked up on titles we didn't need — and, in many cases, didn't even really want. Why? Because we could! I remember going out and buying junk like Rollerball. Rollerball! I just thought it would be cool to own Rollerball, so I bought it. Too bad I forgot how much it sucks.

I got caught up in the hype initially, especially since it gave me a reason to go all out and set up a kick ass home theater. But, in my defense, I realized pretty early on that most DVD purchases were unecessary and began limiting DVD purchases to (a) visually interesting films and anime, and (b) comedy movies and shows with high replay value that don't require a lot of concentration. I have stopped buying dramas completely - after the initial viewing, there just isn't any replay value in them for me. Also, besides real hard core movie buffs, who really watches all the extras that are a main feature of some DVDs? Not me.

Any impulse DVD purchases you care to admit to? I'll start - I have no business owning these:

1. Master & Commander - clearly, I just needed to buy something
2. The Hurricane - haven't even opened the packaging
3. THX - made George Lucas famous; sucks
4. War of the Worlds - good special effects my only defense

Fortunately no Roller Ball. Your turn.

Some More Than Others

But He's a Major Tourist Attraction

Manic tourist lady #1: Oh wow, the front of the train. I've never been in FRONT before. Look! Haha! No driver!
Manic tourist lady #2: No driver? Seriously? Excuse me, sir? Who's driving this subway?

Local looks up from paper and looks around frantically.

Manic tourist #2: Wait, seriously? Oh my God, should we get off?
Manic tourist #1: Oh, calm down. He's just joking. We can't get off 'til Union Square.
Local: Ma'am, I swear to God that I'm not joking. Nobody's driving this train. I'm just as terrified as you are.
Manic tourist #2: Oh, whatever. He's one of those New York assholes we heard about. Ignore him.

--4 train, 59th St

via Overheard in New York, Oct 13, 2006

Maybe You Should Just Stay Wrinkled

This is real. Takes 6 hours to iron a shirt.

Damn, This Is Cheap

This is an off brand set I've never heard of - Emprex - and is of limited quality I'm sure. Yet, at $499, this is by far the cheapest 32" HDTV LCD I've ever seen - and trust me, I've been looking. Bodes well for the future of HDTV. Eventually, name brand sets will be available at these price points. If anybody pulls the trigger, please let me know. I'd love to hear your review.

Family Values

I've been wanting to add my own work to the Writer's Showcase but I don't write "stories"; this blog is about the limit of what I write. Then I remembered, several years ago some friends and I decided to write and share stories about our fathers; each of us having grown up without one for the most part. My contribution to that exchange was a personal and unsentimental look back at what I remembered about my dad. Prior to this post, I re-read it for the first time in a couple of years. Reliving those memories made me think of several things, more importantly, it gave me a renewed appreciation for the good fathers I know. In particular I want to give a shout out to a good friend, someone who's going through some tough times right now. Despite a raft of troubles that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, this guy's devotion to his children is complete and unwavering. They come first, now and always. He shows that despite our trials and tribulations, our faults and shortcomings, if being a good parent is your first priority, you'll find a way to get the job done. Hang in there, bro.

Here is my story. (At the top of the page, click on the link that says Download File).

This Is Really Funny ... But

Why and how is this guy getting away with it? As you are about to see, Aleksay Vayner, a student at Yale (class of '07), sent a video resume of himself to various Wall Street firms and banks. The video is a magnificent - perhaps unprecedented - example of Ass-Douchery™. You can't make this stuff up - except apparently he did. Ivygate has a breakdown. Here's a copy of his resume. Here's a link to the "book" he lists on his resume. Amazing. So is this a prank?

All Life Is Lived In The Past

The Sea by John Banville (2005)

The Sea is a marvel of efficiency; in less than 200 pages, Banville writes a “memoir” that is spare and yet touching and profound.

The Sea is the story of a rapidly aging widower who, after the death of his wife, travels to the seaside resort town where he spent several summers as a child. Taking up residence in a long term boarding house filled with other hurting and lost souls, he thinks about his life; first his childhood summers and the life defining relationship and events of those years, then the days preceding and during his wife’s illness and death, and then finally the unkind truth of his present life. These narratives are weaved together throughout the novel until they coalesce towards the end.

I could ramble on for a while about how much I liked this book, how true Banville’s observations rung, how deep the sense of loss is, how scary it makes one feel about getting old. I could, but you should just buy the book and experience it for yourself.

Banville won the Mann Booker prize for The Sea.

"On the subject of observing and being observed, I must mention the long grim gander I took at myself in the bathroom mirror this morning. Usually these days I do not dally before my reflection any longer than is necessary. There was a time when I quite liked what I saw in the looking-glass, but not any more. Now I am startled, and more than startled, by the visage that so abruptly appears there, never and not at all the one that I expect. I have been elbowed aside by a parody of myself, a sadly disheveled figure in a Hallowe’en mask made of sagging pinkish –grey rubber that bears no more than a passing resemblance to the image of what I look like that I stubbornly retain in my head."

"When we arrived I marveled to see how much of the village as I remembered it was still here, if only for eyes that knew where to look, mine, that is. It was like encountering an old flame behind whose features thickened by age the slender lineaments that a former self so loved can still be clearly discerned."

"I looked aside quickly for fear my eyes would give me away; one’s eyes are always those of someone else, the mad and desperate dwarf crouched within. I knew what she meant. This was not supposed to have befallen her. It was not supposed to have befallen us, we were not that kind of people. Misfortune, illness, untimely death, these things happen to good folk, the humble ones, the salt of the earth, not to Anna, not to me."

"I recalled walking in the street with Anna one day after all her hair had fallen out and she spotted passing by on the pavement a woman who was also bald. I do not know if Anna caught me catching the look they exchanged, the two of them, blank-eyed and at the same time sharp, sly, complicit. In all that endless twelvemonth of her illness I do not think I ever felt more distant from her than I did at that moment, elbowed aside by the sorority of the afflicted."

"[my daughter] understands me to a degree that is disturbing and will not indulge my foibles and excesses as others do who know me less and therefore fear me more. But I am bereaved and wounded and require indulging. If there is a long version of shrift, then that is what I am in need of. Let me alone, I cried at her in my mind, let me creep past the traduced old Cedars, past the vanished Strand Café, past the Lupins and the Field that was, past all this past for if I stop I shall surely dissolve in a shaming puddle of tears."

"Have I spoken already of my drinking? I drink like a fish. No, not like a fish, fishes do not drink, it is only breathing, their kind of breathing. I drink like one recently widowed-widowered? – a person of scant talent and scanter ambition, greyed o’er by the years, uncertain and astray and in need of consolation and the brief respite of drink-induced oblivion. I would take drugs if I had them, but I have not, and do not know how I might go about getting some."

C for Effort

All weekend I was glued to my seat awaiting critical news. Would Limbo be renewed for for another millenia? No, I'm not talking about the latest show from the producers of CSI, I'm talking about that magical waiting room in the sky filled with those unbaptized souls whom God alone will admit to Heaven or boot to the fiery inferno of Hell. The concept was invented by some 13th century monk and this weekend the Pope was supposed to let us know where it stood; the Church is apparently looking to absolve itself of the embarrassment of its 800 year old invention. For those near death, the dissolution of Limbo must really really suck. In all seriousness, I give the Catholic Church partial credit for coming up with Limbo; they showed good creativity while increasing market share. I used to wonder what religions that rely on belief in Christ had to say about the millions of souls that lived and died before Jesus. Even hundreds of years after Christ's death most of the world - Native Americans, Africans, Asians, etc. - had yet to experience the joys of missionaries. It seemed a bit unfair that they were burning in hell despite never even having had the opportunity to give JC a try. So for trying to cover up that massive hole in it's ideology, I give the Church a C though if I were a faithful parishioner who had been regularly dropping coin in the collection plate to up my prospects for the afterlife, I'd be looking for a refund about now.

Clouds Brewing on Subway Series?

I'll be happy if either NY team makes it. Really. I like baseball and have followed the Yanks but I'm no diehard. The Mets making it to the World Series would be just as satisfying to me. In any event, have a nice weekend folks.

(photo by Travis Ruse)

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This Is Your Stop, Please Get Off

I am guilty of a heinous crime. Yep, I racial profile. Not with respect to renting apartments, I'm not a landlord. Nor do I give out traffic tickets based on race, I'm no cop. If you don't get approved for a loan, don't look at me, I'm not a banker. Want a job? I'm not the man to talk to. But I do ride the subway and there's nothing more frustrating than watching people who should be getting off at a particular stop, stay seated. I don't profile with malice, I just want a damn seat during rush hour. In the good old days, I could stand near some Asian folks as the train approached Grand Street, 7 times out of 10, Big D was sitting down. Black folks on the downtown Lexington Ave. line tended to switch for the A line at Fulton, bingo. The Russians and Jews weren't getting off until Stillwell Ave. so there was no point waiting near them - thankfully I don't live that far out. One way or the other, race and train stops had a nice correlation vis a vis me getting a seat. It's not so simple anymore. White folks live in Harlem, Boricuas now live in the Poconos - Williamsburg having gotten too expensive, Lesbians pass right by Park Slope on their way to Windsor Terrace, and tourists now include Brooklyn on their itineraries. WTF? And on those rare occasions that I do get a seat, wouldn't you know it but some pregnant woman boards the train right near where I'm sitting. Eyes immediately start scanning around the train until they find what they're looking for; me, the token Latino whom everyone knows is genetically compelled to offer his seat to pregnant women. Coño.

It's Not Christmas But The War Has Already Started

Two American scientists win the Nobel Prize for their contribution to supporting and expanding the Big Bang theory. The Nobel Prize? It's amazing how far liberals will go to bash Christians.

Since Most Of Their Viewers Aren't Keen On Facts ...

This "typo" probably worked as planned.

What's In A Label? $$$$

Coach is suing Target for selling a counterfeit Coach bag. Target claims it believed the bag was authentic. This follows a similar lawsuit against Wal-Mart for selling a counterfeit Fendi bag at Sam's Club. First of all, who knew Target and Sam's Club sold Coach and Fendi? Secondly, if the counterfeits were good enough to fool professional buyers at the world's two largest retailers, why buy the real thing? I once worked with a woman who had expensive tastes and one day she came in with a very expensive looking bag - a Prada. She told me it was a fake, I would have never known (not that I know much about designer brands, but still). Sure, there are arguments to be made for quality materials and construction, but can those factors justify the insane prices fashion labels charge for their products? I wouldn't want to buy a counterfeit car, counterfeit medicine, or things of that nature, but a wallet, yeah, hook me up with the bootleg version and let me fill it with the cash I saved.

Jose Canseco: The Most Honorable Man In Baseball

A ranking of the biggest cheats in baseball would probably look something like: Barry Bonds, Sammy Sosa, Mark McGuire, and then a bunch of other people. It's not that players like Ken Caminetti and Jose Canseco are less guilty than the first three (they're among the few who have actually confessed to using steroids), but the public and sports writers seem less interested in their stories. Writers and fans have wasted little time in discounting the careers of Bonds and Sosa while the feeling towards McGuire is more disappointment than anything. Now new allegations point to three more high profile cheaters, Roger Clemens, Andy Petitte, and Miguel Tejada. As with Bonds and Sosa, none of the recently accused players has ever tested positive so it remains to be seen how this plays out, however, if anyone in baseball warrants scrutiny, it has to be Clemens. Unlike Bonds whose career has never faltered and always trended up, Clemens went through a four year period in his mid 30's where many, including the Red Sox, thought he was finished. Not only did Clemens return to his winning ways, but he went on to earn four more Cy Young awards including a record setting 7th in 2004 as a 42 year old. Yet, despite these age defying accomplishments, and despite a prickly personality, Clemens has kept his name out of this discussion - until now. Roger, Jose's on the phone, wants to co-write a book with you ...

Busted

By now you've probably all heard about the resignation of Repbublican Congressman from Florida, Mark Foley. Turns out he was quite the pedophile perv. The initially leaked emails were inappropriate but fell a little short of criminal, however, the released transcripts of his IM chats with a teenager open the flood gates. There's more to this story, several high ranking republicans knew of Foley's penchant for young boys but stayed quiet. Prediction: Gas prices fall another $.25

Not So Dearly Departed

This is apparently real. Had it been me burying a relative I hated, I wouldn't have wasted money on an elaborate headstone. Or a wake. Or a funeral.

It reads: You spent your life expressing animosity for nearly every person you encountered, including your children. Within hours of his death, you even managed to declare your husband of fifty-seven years unsuited to being either a spouse or a father. Hopefully, you are now insulated from all the dissatisfaction you found in human relationships.