Just Say No, Seriously

Amy Winehouse, like a fine wine rotting corpse, aged four years

Embrace It Obama!

It's Not Lying, It's Fine Print

This product doesn't quite measure up to its advertising:

Modern Art Blows

This is an actual police sketch of a suspect in a kidnapping. The absurdity of this sketch overshadows some other crazy facts about this case. Namely, the 300 pound victim who said he was kidnapped by a 5' 5" assailant.

Don't Be So Gullible

This may look like your run of the mill, politician with kid photo-op, but I know a terrorist kid hug when I see one. After gaining his trust, Obama schooled him the art of the terrorist fist bump. Young man, when you see a brother on the street, give him the fist bump, praise Allah, and say down with whitey!

As Always, Dead On

I'm Qualified, Trust Me

In the early days of my temp career, the types of projects I worked on did not require that I interview. A resume was often sufficient to convey my qualifications for the typically mundane work being offered.

Modest though I am, I think it was pretty self evident that I could, oh, say, READ.

Over time, more scrutiny was applied; some jobs required phone interviews, some involved brief face to face interviews. At this point in my career, I tend to apply for projects that require a degree of experience and interviewing with 2-3 people is common. The "no-interview" jobs are out still out there, I've fortunately moved past them. I don't blame companies for wanting to know more about me, my qualifications, my demeanor and personality, how I present myself, and so on. On the one hand, I'm only a temp, fireable at will, given limited access to the firm's property and information - a tiny investment in the big scheme of things, but in these companies defense, an un-vetted temp attorney such as myself could wind up being a drain on time and resources and heaven forbid I abscond with company paper clips and post it notes.

If it's prudent to perform due diligence before hiring a meager temp employee such as myself, don't WE THE PEOPLE have the right to ask a few questions of our vice presidential candidates??? Even the semi-literate Bush and his secretive Vice President answered a few questions when they ran for office. The media isn't fair, the McCain camp explains (over and over). Deal with it and prove your critics wrong.

I'm not worried though, eventually, spontaneous sentences will have to be formed ...

My Empire

Brilliant

The common household outlet made 50% better.

Life Is Short, Have An Affair

I saw a commercial for Ashley Madison in the wee hours one night and thought maybe I misinterpreted the service. It appeared to be offering married men a discreet dating service. As you can tell by their tag line above, that's exactly what they meant. For those interested in learning more but who don't want to leave evidence of visiting the site on their computer, click on the screen capture below. Not that I'm encouraging anything.

Politicians Say The Darndest Things

Here is a video of the Rove comments (and others) as presented on the Daily Show. Chuckles galore.

All Rove Needed Was A Good Editor

A month ago while speculating about who Obama might choose as his running mate, Karl Rove offered the following prophetic words on what Obama's selection of Governor Tim Kaine would mean. As we all know Obama chose Biden but Rove's work should not go to waste. Let's see what happens when we substitute McCain for Obama, Palin for Warner, she for he, and Alaska for Virginia. OMG, I can't believe it but I agree 100% with Karl Rove. Never thought I'd say that (to make this easier I've edited Rove's statement for you):

"With all due respect, again, to Governor KainePalin, [s]he's been a governor for three years. [s]He's been able, but undistinguished. I don't think people could really name a big, important thing that [s]he's done. [s]He was mayor of the 10[0]5th-largest city in America. And, again, with all due respect to Richmond, VirginiaWasilla, Alaska, it's smaller than Chula Vista, California, Aurora, Colorado, Mesa or Gilbert, Arizona, North Las Vegas, or Henderson, Nevada. It's not a big town. If he were to pick Governor KainePalin, it would be an intensely political choice, where he's said, 'You know what? I'm really not first and foremost concerned with, is this person capable of being president of the United States? What I'm concerned about is, can [s]he bring me the electoral votes of the state of Virginia, the 13 electoral votes in Virginiathe easily manipulated?'"

Well said Rovie.

Thanks, Andrew

I'm too lazy to live blog Palin's speech so here's Andrew Sullivan's take (start at the bottom):

11.10 pm. Reality television has become our politics.

11.06 pm. Both Huckabee and Palin have used the t-word. Of course, they are not criminally liable, as Bush is.

11.05 pm. Every time the camera pans to McCain's mother, she seems mortified. I don't really blame her. Can you imagine what she was thinking as a tiny special needs baby is passed from person to person for the cable news.

11.03 pm. However admirable it is to be a mayor, is it really necessary to drip contempt for people who work as community organizers? It seems to me that Palin doesn't quite have the stature to be putting down someone who has won millions of people's votes. This is a much more partisan speech than I was expecting.

11.00 pm Styrofoam pillars; and self-designed seals. And her lip curls.

10.58 pm. Now it's about big government - which Republicans have exploded in size. But no one can notice the actual record of the GOP in growing government and increasing debt. That would be too much accountability.

10.56 pm. Obama wants to reduce American power and prevent energy production. The mockery of Obama from Palin is striking. I don't recall anyone mocking McCain at the DNC.

10.53 pm. Drill, baby, drill! I may be just revealing that I'm out of touch, but I don't see why laying pipelines is now a core rallying cry of American conservatism.

10.50 pm. I have to say that the affect is of someone running for high school president.

10.49 pm. Piper is poking Trig in the eye!

10.48 pm. Ethics reform is her first policy proposal.

10.47 pm. She has this weird tick of scrunching up her face to make a forceful point. Kinda Tracy Flicky.

10.44 pm. Palin echoes Giuliani's attack on "cosmopolitan" elites. All the buzzwords are there. Elite. Elite. Elite. This is a culture war speech - and she is becoming a symbol of red America. This is what they have to do top win: divide and polarize again. We are half way through, by the way, and we have not heard a single policy proposal. But we have heard contempt for someone who works as a community organizer in the South Side of Chicago.

10.40 pm. We've just seen a picture of a seven year old cradling and stroking the hair of a Down Syndrome infant. This, apparently, is relevant to deciding who should be the next vice-president of the United States.

10.39 pm. I'm just slack-jawed that, so far, the entire speech has been basically about her family. She seems as if she just won a reality show and is introducing her folks. And they have passed the baby now to four different people - including another child. Slack-jawed.

The View ...

Is not bad. From Sunset Park, BK

Photo by Barry Yanowitz

Less Fire! Less Fire!

The Jerk chicken was hot, but not too hot. It was only when I tried the scotch bonnet hot sauce that I realized I was out of my league. Fortunately, a savvy water vendor had set up next to the Jerk Chicken vendor and two bottles of water later my heart rate had returned to normal.

My burnt taste buds notwithstanding, the West Indian Day Parade was a lot of fun this year. Great weather, great food, and a lot of booty shakin. The only thing missing was beer. I remember when I first moved to NY and lived on the parade route, there was nothing better than a cold Red Stripe with my curry goat. These days booze is verboten from parades. Oh well.

It wasn't all fun and games; I was working. Most of you don't know this but among my many talents, I'm also a filmmaker. For all my loyal fans, I present below the world premiere of Less Fire! Less Fire!

Sexy And Deadly

The young women of the Israeli Army as photographed by Rachel Papo.

I LOL'D

Over at Fark today folks brought out their best examples of FAIL:

Demand is Kicking Supply's Ass

Many of you know that I'm pretty fond of Trader Joe's. They're much cheaper than Whole Foods and offer lots of products that are made without the harmful processed ingredients that lurk in so many national brands. Not everyone loves them though and some of the criticisms I hear are definitely warranted; namely low inventory and long checkout lines. With only one location serving the entire city I find the only way to avoid these hassles is to go during off peak hours. Sometimes peak hours are the only time you can make it which is how I found myself in crunchy hell tonight. The 25 minute check out lines and empty shelves throughout the store made it feel like Florida before a hurricane - dude, storm's coming, load up on those unprocessed high fiber oats! A Brooklyn location will be opening soon but I have a feeling the lines will be just as bad. Scenes from the carnage below:

It Sucks Redux?

Riding around Sunday I found myself passing by the Brooklyn Flea and decided to give it a second look. As some of you may remember, my first impression was pretty bad, but with no hangover to slow me down and only low expectations I found the second visit a lot more enjoyable. The selection of vendors and food merchants seemed more interesting; plenty of reasonably priced clothing and art, and tempting food from Blue Marble ice cream and vendors from the Red Hook Ball Fields. Just as important as the seemingly improved merchandise mix, the energy and vibe felt better. The mix of people seemed less contrived, more representative of the neighborhood, new and old, than when I first went. Overall it was a nice experience, a pleasant way to spend time on a nice Sunday afternoon. It would certainly be a great way to work up an appetite before hitting the Fort Greene restaurant scene.

Exxon Will Probably Take Credit ...

Seeing the air quality in Beijing really brings home how lucky we are to have mostly clean, smog free air. The right loves to mock environmentalism and dismiss concern about the environment as some sort of irrational touchy feely nonsense. Yet if it wasn't for the efforts of hippies and environmentalists pushing for low emission vehicles, lead free gas, caps on coal plant emissions, and expanded public transportation, among other things, our air wouldn't be so different from the poisonous brew that clouds Beijing.

Photo In Search Of A Caption

From Neatorama:

I Can't Read But I Can Do The Superman

According to Forbes, Buffalo is one of America's fastest dying cities. Perhaps the high school graduation rate has something to do with it. From the Buffalo News:

Buffalo Public Schools’ reform effort took a hit Monday when state data showed the city’s already alarming high school graduation rate dropped last year by 5 percentage points, to 46 percent.

What a disaster. To be a high school dropout in a place with a job market like Buffalo is just a horrific thought. The cost of living may be low but salaries are even lower. For qualified folks, places like Wal Mart and Fridays are the good options. Even call centers, one of the big industries in Buffalo, can be picky. The sad part is that there is plentiful cheap education in the area. The local community colleges are cheap for state residents and you can be something less than a scholar and still graduate.

One by product of Buffalo's affordability and educational resources is that a lot of folks drawn to the area for the colleges have ended up staying over the last decade. Pockets of artists, hipsters, recent grads and young professionals have revived city neighborhoods. Unlike my youth, there are pockets of nightlight in Buffalo now. These new residents have taken advantage of the low cost of living, the architectural gems that remain from Buffalo's grander past, the natural resources, and have settled down. They may not have tons of money but still enjoy a rich quality of life. Too bad so many locals are missing out.

I Think I'm Done (for now)

After publishing briosolaw a couple of weeks ago, I've spent quite a few hours tweaking it; rewriting text, finding new stock photography, and redesigning certain graphics. With time the flaws of what looks and sounds good one day tends to be revealed. As digital media, web sites benefit from an ease of revision that you don't find in traditional media. Colors, shapes, placement of items can all be changed with a few clicks of the mouse. That same ease can be a bit of curse though because cycling through so many options can take deceptively long. Often ideas take several iterations before they look as you imagined. And when you're an amateur like myself, getting things to look like you imagined is no small feat. Another factor that has to be accounted for and that is only revealed after you "finish" is the fact that websites display differently on different browsers (explorer, firefox, safari), and on different monitors. Skilled designers have tools to make sites look consistent; I have to wing it. In connection with the new site I've developed new letterhead and mailing labels; the development of one led naturally to the development of the others. I feel pretty good about it all; no longer a kid in this business, it was time to look the part. I'm sure the clients will be rolling in any day now ...

Still Bitter That Sean Connery Gave Us The Red October

Last week I represented a couple in the sale of their coop - a sale that came 12 months after the first prospective buyer was presented to the board. This wasn't a case of a prestigious coop rejecting marginal applicants, nor was it a case of a mediocre apartment languishing in a declining market. Nope, my clients saw two highly qualified buyers rejected by the board because they ignored the golden rule of their building, only Russians need apply. The 100 unit building on Shore Terrace Road in Sheepshead Bay, Brooklyn is dominated by Russians and you better believe it's going to stay that way. Your buyers may be doctors, but they are unqualified to live here. And tell Clint Eastwood to give us back Firefox while you're at it

The first applicants rejected by the board, a successful Asian couple, were openly insulted at their interview, literally called liars by board members who did not believe their financial statements. Anyone can fake tax returns, believe us, we know. The second rejected applicant, a Ph.D, was tripped up because board members refused to accept proof of assets she owned abroad (she was from Italy). Facing the prospect of finding another buyer only to have him rejected a few months later, and stretched to their financial limits and worn down by the emotional strain of it all, my clients waived the red, white, and blue flag (of Russia) and conceded defeat. They hired a Russian broker recommended by a board member, a broker who happened to have just the right type of client in the market for just such a unit ...

I agreed to represent the sellers after their original lawyer quit. Quitting on your clients is kind of a big no no but I'm not sure that I blame him; he had already endured two rejected applicants and apparently the prospect of a third go round was more than he could take. He walked away without having gotten paid a penny for his troubles. This isn't the first time I've been involved in a situation where a coop seller finds himself prisoner to an arbitrary board. It's one of the deals you make with the devil when you buy a coop; living in a coop is usually fine, but selling can be a bitch. There are virtually no easy ways to deal with difficult boards. Boards don't have to reveal why they've rejected a buyer, and except for a sign in the interview room that says no ____________________ allowed (fill in the blank), it's just about impossible to challenge a board's actions. Absent the motivation that comes from a convincing threat to sue (breach of fiduciary duty, interference with contract), you have no choice but to find buyers your board will approve, no matter how unreasonable the requirement may be or how long it may take.

I Don't Believe ...

they were Drunk:

Drunk black guy #1: That's when I started cooking with weed. The Jamaicans told me you can cook with it.
Drunk black guy #2: Yeah?
Drunk black guy #1: I made chicken soup with that shit. I had soupy chicken weed. I was high as fuck.
Drunk black guy #2: Yeah?
Drunk black woman: You ever had weed fishcakes? Weed fishcakes. I make that shit.
Drunk black guy #2: Fishcakes?
Drunk black woman: And pork fried weed.
Drunk black guy #1: I want to come to your parties. You creative.

--4 Train Overheard by: Unrelenting Monkey