Reconquista II - Canaries In The Coal Mine

Little did I know when I moved to Sunset Park that I would be an island in a sea of enemies. The Puerto Ricans I knew about, just give them some Bacardi and a set of dominos and you can pretty much neutralize them, but these Mexicans, they're not so easy to deal with. Yesterday morning on the way to work I saw hordes of them entering these large factory looking buildings under the BQE. Ignoring my own personal safety and using special-ops skills I've gained during countless hours of Halo, I snuck inside. I was blown away by what I saw - hundreds of men and women working with assembly line precision making what looked like dresses. Apparently the invading army will be dressed in drag - it's not enough that they want to destroy our culture, they also want to force the homosexual agenda on us. I observed the proceedings for a while and then started making my exit. On my way out of the enemy camp I had a very close call, a Korean woman starting yelling at me - you work, you work now, work, work - I maced her, punched her in the kidney and escaped. A couple blocks away I stopped at a Tamale cart to re-fuel and have time to think. Imagine my surprise when I realized it was the same Tamale vendor from the other day. I'm still a bit shaken by the encounter but nobody said war was going to be easy.

Me: Hey man I know we got off to a rough start last time.

RMOTS: Hay dios mio, como es possible que este idiota me encontro otra vez?

Me: The cultural differences between us are not insurmountable - I know your people; I've gotten a few handjobs in Tijuana. (BTW, do you know any places like that around here?)

RMOTS: Señor, no hablo ingles.

Me: Peace will only be achieved if you give up your claims to the southwest. Don't get me wrong, you can still live and work there, fuel the economy and provide invaluable labor to local businesses, but only as a second class citizen - first class is already booked.

RMOTS: Chinga tu madre, yo soy Hondureño.

Me: Eskimo, Mexican, whatever. You're getting me all wrong, I want to help. I hear there's an opening at the salvage yard. I could give you a recommendation.

RMOTS: Virgen de Guadalupe, dame la paciencia para no matar este pendejo.

Me: Virgin of Guadalupe? Oh I saw her once, I lost an auction on Ebay for a half eaten tortilla with her image on it, flour I believe. I never have luck on ebay, I also lost out on the nun bun. But that's besides the point, I can't get mad at you for praying. Catholicism is a religion of idolatry but it's better than nothing. Just remember, there are no borders in heaven but there are gated communities ... hey, wait, you don't have to run away - I don't work for la migra. Damn, I can't keep losing this guy. Maybe I'll run into him again ...

I was able to snap a picture with my cell phone before he ran off. Notice how he brazenly wears the hat of the invading army. There can be no delay, we have to nuke Oxnard immediately, sure there'll be some collateral damage but would destroying Los Angeles and San Francisco really be so bad? A lot of people don't have the stones to make tough decisions but I tell ya, don't put me in the control room at NORAD cause I'd clear the decks for once and all.

Black America's Gravest Threat?

With Sharpe James bowing out of the Newark mayoral campaign, things are looking good for Ivy League educated, project dwelling, media darling Cory Booker. Some folks are not pleased and ascribe some serious bad intentions to the young Booker. Hmm, I don't know much about Jersey politics but on the surface, getting rid of the dictator James seemed like a good start. The Black Commentator feels otherwise:

"Cory Booker is back – like a recurring disease. The former one-term city councilman whose wholly unproductive career has been artificially sustained by Black America’s worst enemies has amassed bundles of rightwing cash for his second assault on Newark city hall. Booker’s stealth mission on behalf of the far-right Bradley and Walton Family (Wal-Mart) Foundations, under the tutelage of the hyper-racist Manhattan Institute, once again threatens to provide the Right with a long-coveted showcase for privatization and capitalism in-the-raw in urban America."

Read the rest here. The severity of this article is pretty astonishing. Even if Booker is as conservative as they suggest, a white man in black face as they state, a house nigga as they hope their readers will understand, what exactly is Booker a danger to? High crime rates and abysmal educational outcomes? A loss of graft and patronage access for the friends of Sharpe? Business as usual in Newark.

Hurts So Good

I never realized Congress was the gimp

So Many Rings, So Few Fingers

By the subway dwelling Travis Ruse

Things I Don't Have Time To Write About Right Now

• Hillary has come out for a wall. Pandering ass.
  
• My second encounter with a Reconquista - you won't believe what I've uncovered.
  
• Why our nation continues to subsidize the most profitable industry in the world, one which is destructive to the environment, and which keeps this country glued to the teat of Saudi Arabia.
  
• Why Freedom Tower is actually a more stupid name than Freedom Fries.
  
• Big D's Real Estate Institute Vol. II - Why co-ops suck; a magnum opus.
  
• The consequences of legislation in Congress that would shift significant control of the Internet to the telcos and cable companies.
  
• Why the media loves to talk about Michael Long whenever the TWU strike is discussed.
  
• Why whenever some midwesterner laments the loss of the real Brooklyn to Starbucks and Target, I shoot them.
  

Speechless

I don't know if this video is an elaborate gag or not but it's really beyond words. I thought the background music was a particularly nice touch.

For My Next Arctic Expedition

Next time I'm lost exploring uncharted regions of the globe I hope I have one of these - a sterling silver compass from Tiffany & Co. Because, like, when the rescuers find my body I want them to have something worth stealing. WTF? No better way to announce you're a city slicker than to pull this sucker out on your camping trip. Actually, this would be a great gift to guys in a wedding party; I'd add it to my collection of lighters, money clips, and flasks. Hint to married couples shopping for gifts for their wedding parties, don't get anything monogrammed - it makes things damn hard to re-gift.

More Wasteful Government Spending

Why is the White House paying Tony Snow a salary to be their spokesman when he already does it for free on Fox? This is the equivalent of paying $435 for a hammer.

Nuclear Nightmares

Twenty years ago today the world's worst nuclear accident occurred in Chernobyl, Ukraine. Though the official death toll lists only 56 casualties (including deaths from thyroid cancer), as this photo essay shows, the impact on the neighboring communities has been devastating. Warning: Graphic photos.

Reconquista

I've been hearing from my right wing sources that a nefarious plot is underway among the Mexican community to reclaim lands from the US that were formerly part of Mexico. Since I now live in a Mexican community, I decided to investigate. Here's a chilling transcript from an exchange I had this past weekend that you won't find in the liberal media:

Me: Hey I hear you guys are trying to reclaim the southwest.

RMOTS (Random Mexican on the street): Que?

Me: What's the plan? First Cali, then Arizona and Nevada? Listen, we'll give you Utah but no way will we give up Vegas. Have you ever been to Deja Vu? That place rocks!

RMOTS: Con queso? Para llevar?

Me: Do you really think you guys will get away with this?

RMOTS: Mira, estupido, si quieres un tamale dime, si no dejame solo.

Me: All I'm gonna say is, have you seen the movie Red Dawn? We will kick your ass so bad.

RMOTS: Hijo de puta, basta.

Me: Fine, be like that, but you've been warned. Look if you really want people in this country to respect you, get a job, be a hard worker, have strong family values, be people of faith, and just make yourself useful, you know, do the kinds of things that other people don't want to do. That's how you'll win everybody over.

RMOTS: Chingate!

Me: Hey ... where are you going, I'm not done talking with you ... And they wonder why nobody respects them. Wait up, about this wall we're gonna build, do you know any guys who need work? ...

OMG, a source has just forwarded me this shocking picture of the secret Mexican army being trained in a junkyard in Oxnard, California. Real American Patriots, there can be no delay, it's time to enlist. The enemy has landed and they want to replace ketchup with salsa. I'll sacrifice my chance at honor by staying out of the army to blog about it. It's a big sacrifice but in a time of war we all have to do our part. The rest of you go and fight, go on, no I'm staying here, but you go on, it's about survival. Go already. No I can't come, I have flat feet. You go on, I support the hell out of our troops. Where's my lapel flag pin?

OMG - The Cube-Amimo

I first saw the Nissan Cube in Japan a few years ago and thought it was pretty cool. Nissan recently decided to introduce the Cube here in the States. Well it didn't take long for the Cube to get a taste of American flavor. I present the Cube-Amino. The camino-ization of the world's automobiles cannot be stopped.

Daily Dose Of Iran

This is the issue of the day so for the forseeable future, I plan to continue addressing it. In the interest of balance, if someone (I'm looking at you shotblock) wishes to suggest a pro-war piece, please forward it to me and I'll publish it.

From an op-ed in the LA Times (definitely read the rest):

"The U.S. is already allocating funds for the destabilization of the Iranian regime and reportedly sending Special Forces teams into Iran to stir up non-Iranian ethnic minorities in order to fragment the Iranian state (in the name of democratization!). And there are clearly people in the Bush administration who do not wish for any negotiated solution, abetted by outside drum-beaters for military action and egged on by full-page ads hyping the Iranian threat.

...

It is true, however, that an eventual Iranian acquisition of nuclear weapons would heighten tensions in the region and perhaps prompt imitation by such countries as Saudi Arabia or Egypt. Israel, despite its large nuclear arsenal, would feel less secure. Preventing Iranian acquisition of nuclear weapons is, therefore, justified, but in seeking that goal, the U.S. must bear in mind longer-run prospects for Iran's political and social development. Iran has the objective preconditions in terms of education, the place of women in social affairs, and in social aspirations (especially of the youth) to emulate in the foreseeable future the evolution of Turkey. The mullahs are Iran's past, not its future; it is not in our interest to engage in acts that help to reverse that sequence."

The War On (Some People Who Use Some) Drugs II

Stanley Crouch, irritable jazz expert and columnist at the Daily News writes:

"In the ongoing battle over the legalization of marijuana for medicinal purposes, the Food and Drug Administration has now shown that ideology can bend almost anything to its will. Last week, the FDA claimed that "no sound scientific studies" supported the medical use of the drug - flatly contradicting a 1999 review by the Institute of Medicine. That seems strange, given that the Institute is part of the National Academy of Sciences, the nation's most prestigious scientific advisory agency. "

Even Penn & Teller on their Showtime series Bullshit were able to breakdown how stupid the criminalization of soft drugs is. But jails need fillin' ...

Gas is 'spensive

Any drivers in these parts? Fears of war with Iran and trouble in Nigeria the new culprits. As if there needed to be a reason.

VP Rice?

Remember the minstrel show that was the Republican Convention in 2000? A stage full of black performers desgined to give the appearance of an inclusive party - compassionate conservatism I believe it was called. With things looking bleak for Republicans in the coming midterm elections, what kind of moves might the administration be planning to distract, confuse, mislead the voters? John Dean at Findlaw outlines several possibilities including the resignation of Cheney (for health reasons, natch) and the appointment of Rice as Vice President. Cheney could continue doing whatever it is he does at his secret locations, in his secret meetings, with his secret staff, while the elevation of Rice would be a public relations coup. A new face for the administration and party, a further distancing from the odious dark lord Cheney, and something for the media to focus on other than the war, trade deficits, etc. Considering some in the party see Rice as a potential presidential candidate it also elevates her status in that area. A crafty move no doubt though if I were Bush I'd think twice, someone wanting to see the first Black president might be motivated to make it happen.

Mr. Roboto

Watch for the kid in the orange shirt.

Saving Her Virginity

From Overheard:

Girl #1: I hung out with Jeff last night, this guy I just met.
Girl #2: Yeah, did you have sex with him?
Girl #1: NOOO! I just met him, I only gave him a blow job. I know we'll run
into each other again and I didn't want things to be awkward.
--6th & A

For The Ride Home

Have a great weekend! Do something nice for someone you know. Or for yourself. :-)



Photo by - who else - Travis Ruse

The War On (Some People Who Use Some) Drugs

The FDA says no to medical marijuana. Another case of policy overruling science? Mr. Bush, does God hate weed? Is weed really so nefarious that de-criminalization will always be a non-starter? How much longer will the need to give cover to the failed war on drugs be used to keep the jails full? As a first year lawyer at Proskauer Rose my office mate told me about his experiences with drugs and the law. In highschool he was arrested for possession. In college, he dealt, and was arrested holding a not so insignificant amount - I believe "intent to distribute" quantities. He also had a drunk driving during college. With the help of daddy, a partner at a Delaware law firm, he did some community service, paid some fines, and had his record sealed. Now a successful attorney he once told me - "it's tough being a white man in this climate." I think I expelled a giant snot through my nose before saying, yeah Jeff, unfortunately for you, you weren't a poor black kid during your youthful indiscretions, cause then you would have come through two drug arrests and a dwi unscathed - you'd probably be partner by now. Now pass the spliff and shut the fuck up. Or something like that.

We Planned It This Way

From Glen Greenwald:

"One of the most bizarre aspects of our current political debates is that the very people who were most glaringly and incessantly wrong about virtually everything prior to the invasion of Iraq are still held out as some sort of wise foreign policy experts. The converse of that distorted principle is that those who were most right about Iraq-related issues are still treated as subversive lepers who are unfit for decent company, as well as unfit to be heard in mainstream media outlets and television talk shows."

Read the rest here.

And Yet Another One

I see your Mini-Camino, your Geo-Camino, your Franken-vette and raise you one Corsica-Camino.

New Gig Down-Time Blogging

I started a new gig today. Most of the day has been spent waiting for the online data to be ready for our review. For those of you interested in the exciting world of legal temping, here it goes. I'm sitting at a conference table with 14 other attorneys, each of us with a laptop. We're way too crowded, and the temperature in the room is satisfying to no one - too hot for some, too cold for others. We've been provided laptops and a binder full of names and organizations, rules for what is responsive, confidential, priviledged, etc. We'll spend the next month or so going through thousands upon thousands of emails, memos, spreadsheets, etc, whittling down the vast universe of documents into a smaller universe so that the real attorneys at this firm don't have to wade through all the crap. In other words, it's mindless and sucky, except for the pay. This is the kind of gig that allows you to work as many hours as you want. This is the kind of gig that a very motivated individual could easily gross 20K15K in a month if he was willing to work 90 hours a week. I'm not that motivated but I am motivated to a lesser degree so if you guys don't see me much in the next month, you know where I'm at.

****Update: I almost forgot to mention the other aspect of temping; when the lawyer sitting next to you, who sat through 5 hours of training with you, asks you upon the commencement of work, what are the responsive issues? What are we supposed to be looking for? How do I login? What would make something priviledged? Starting tomorrow, headphones and mp3 player!!!! Believe it or not, I've been on worse, like when one of the people sitting in the overcrowded windowless room with you smells like elephant shit.

That's A Lot of Toothpaste

As a New Yorker with limited space and no wheels, places like Costco have never been on my radar, however, now that I'm the occupant of a roomy new pad and with a zip car at the ready, Costco seemed like the place to go. Membership cost $45. Was it a good buy? A case of Becks for $22 seemed like a good deal but local beer distributors (like the one next door to Costco) are competitive with those prices and don't require membership. 30 rolls of Scott toilet paper for $18, about .60 a roll, not bad. A six pack of frozen cod filets for $15, I have no idea whether that was good or not. 15 one liter bottles of generic brand seltzer water for $5 was a lot cheaper than the $1 per bottle I pay at the bodega. There seemed to be decent deals in electronics, housewares, and automotive but in the dried goods and food sections, the deals only made sense if you were Hasidic or ran an orphanage. I mean, who needs gallons of mayonaise or 8 tubes of Crest? Inside Costco felt like the essence of American wealth and excess; Buy, Buy, Buy. I had to fight my inner bargain hunter to avoid buying things just because they were a good deal - 2 gallons of hand sanitizer for $8! - I'll be able to bathe with it! I can see myself going back a few times a year to stock up on non-perishables or to stock up for a picnic or BBQ, but mostly I left feeling that a single guy in New York isn't really the target audience for Costco. Duh!

Once A Year

It's 4/20. Oh, and look, it's now 4:20. For those of you for whom this has meaning, enjoy, though I doubt you've been waiting to.

Where's The Road Rage?

Check out this video of a traffic intersection in India.

Et Tu Neil Young?

Neil Young has a new protest song calling for the impeachment of that brand name in an empty suit we call a president. Neil, this is gonna hurt whatever records sales you have left. I mean, freedom of speech is a nice concept and all, especially when it's politically convenient to apply our constitutional standards to situations in foreign countries that aren't goverened by our constitution - like that little distraction in Denmark - but here at home where our constitution is actually the law and applicable, treasonous songs like this will get you blacklisted. Isn't that right, Dixie Chicks?

Newlyweds - Listen Up

The Reverend Moon, billionaire owner of Fox News in print, aka The Washington Times, self-proclaimed messiah, friend of the right, and tax cheat, has some bedroom instructions for you - that is, if you want to see Satan defeated.

First, the Holy Salting:

C. Holy Salting

The room must be sanctified. To do so, begin with a prayer offered something like the following:

"We are going to carry out the 3-day ceremony in this room. Please sanctify this room so that this place may become a holy place."

Continue with a prayer of gratitude, etc., then....

"In order that Satan cannot invade this room, we sanctify it in the names of the Father, the Son, the Holy Spirit, our True Parents and (your name)."

The room and the bathroom should be Holy Salted:

(1) Stand in the center of the room. Pray briefly as above.

(2) Remain standing in the same spot.

(3) Sprinkle Holy Salt three times in a northerly direction. Then sprinkle Holy Salt three times in a southerly direction. Then sprinkle Holy Salt three times in an easterly direction. Then sprinkle Holy Salt three times in a westerly direction.

(4) Sanctify all other things used in the ceremony, such as the bed, bed sheets, pillows, etc.

After some lame church prescribed sex, it gets really disgusting:

(4) Care of the Holy Handkerchief

After the act of love, both spouses should wipe their sexual areas with the Holy Handkerchief. Hang the handkerchief to dry naturally and keep them eternally. They must be kept individually labeled and should never be laundered or mixed up.

Never laundered? That's foul. Read all the gory details here.

New Hood New Food

Wanting to explore my new neighborhood of Sunset Park and accompanied by a friend who was starving (she's small but the girl can eat), we headed to 5th Ave for what I assumed would be killer Mexican. Affirmative.

Tacos California Restaurante feels more like a diner than a most Mexican restaurants I've been to. It was simple, modern, and well staffed - no lassos on the wall or pictures of la virgen, however, the neutrality of the decor was belied by the makeup of the diners - my friend and I were the only non-mexicans in the joint. As we looked over the menu we were served a complimentary plate of radishes with a garlic cilantro sauce. It really set the tone for what was a fresh, savory, and tasty meal. We shared a carne asada burrito and enchiladas with mole poblano. We also had an order of freshly fried tortilla chips with guacamole. We feasted, enjoying every bite, the authenticity, the friendly service, and the freshness. It was as satisfying a meal as I've had in a while.

Our two entree's, chips and quacamole, a coffee and a horchata (sp?) came to $20 and change before gratuity. Holla! TCR is located on 5th Avenue and 46th Street in Sunset Park, Brooklyn.

Stolen WiFi Bloggin'

You can't keep an unemployed, condemned building escaping, new apartment having dude like me down - not as long as some fool next door leaves an unencrypted wifi signal floating in the air. What's up peeps? I'm in the new crib, boxes everywhere, but doing ok otherwise. The move was going fine until we got to the new place only to discover that my two most important pieces of furniture - couch and armoire - did not fit in the door. Fortunately, and I'm truly grateful for it, the owner of the house I'm living in works in construction and he promptly removed the door, the door frame, and the studs framing the door, creating enough room for all my stuff to squeeze through - seriously. He and his wife really went out of their way to make sure everything worked out for me. Much love to my Boricua peeps; a nice way for our relationship to start out - hopefully I'll be working before the next rent check is due so that this great new relationship doesn't take a turn for the ugly. Thanks to everyone who called to check up on me.

The Spoils of the Coin Jar

The night before my move a friend helped me take my clothes to the new apartment. It was one of those pre-move acts which makes the actual move day go a bit smoother. I also decided to head over to Commerce Bank to redeem the change in my coin jar (more banks should have those coin counting machines). With $75 in coin spoils and finding ourselves in the heart of the Slope, we headed over to the Brooklyn Fish Camp for dinner. Unfortunately it's a small place and it was busy. Not wanting to wait we crossed the street to an old fave, Bogota Bistro.

We scored the last open table and eagerly examined the menu. The vibe was festive, loud, and fun. We started with a better than average fried calamari that featured large calamari battered in a light and crispy flour. For dinner we had a traditional bacalo (salted cod) and a fried trout. Each entree comes with your choice of two sides; I had mixed salad and a roasted corn on the cob. The food can be described as traditional Latin fare with a polished and modern preparation; a chef's twist on what your mom might have made. Everything was tasty, portions were large, service was helpful and unobtrusisve. We had fun, we ate well, and left satisfied.

Dinner for two including one appetizer, two entrees, two drinks, and one desert came to $62 before gratuity. Bogota Bistro is located on 5th Avenue near St. Johns in Park Slope, Brooklyn.

Happy Easter

I'm feeling the love people. Great traffic this week and great commenting. I hope I can continue to keep you interested and entertained. In the meanwhile, however, with job and housing matters reaching a boil right now, I need to put down my bloggin' cap for a few days and handle my bizness. Have a great weekend, Happy Easter, and see you all in a few days. Worst Photoshop Ever!

Why'd I Go To Law School?

Most of you don't know this but my last day at S+W will be tomorrow, Friday. My boss said it wasn't working out. As those of you who've been checking in on this site for a while know, I've been expecting this. Frankly, my boss would have done me a bigger favor had he let me know back in February. Oh well, it's back to temping again and more thinking about where I want to go in this legal biz. The timing sucks - I mean in between dealing with my condemned building, finding a new place, battling my landlord for compensation, and travelling home to Buffalo for Easter cancelling my trip home to Buffalo for Easter, worrying about getting another gig is not a stress I need right now. Such is life; Black Jesus, are you punishing me? Of all people I thought you'd understand what it's like for a brother in this business. Petty jealousy is why we never get ahead, Black Jesus. Wait, I think White Jesus is trying to tell me something ... it's not Black Jesus' fault, Moses is in charge of the legal department. Gotcha. Since my first poll was so successful, I'd thought it'd be fitting to ask you all how I should spend my last day on the job.

How Should Big D Spend His Last Day On the Job? Download porn on my vacationing boss' computer. Take new assignments from partners unaware of my departure. Call opposing counsel and tell them the deal is off. Come in baked. Tell people I'm going to meditate in Tibet. Throw a tantrum until they throw me a farewell party. Sustain an accidental injury to sue for later. Go around the office pretending I'll miss them. Free polls from Pollhost.com

Dare I Mock Scientologists?

I was reading about the Scientologist practice of quiet births:

"Based on Hubbard's writings, Scientologists believe that mothers should keep as silent as possible during birth. This stems from belief that birth is a trauma that may induce imbalance onto the baby, who may also absorb his mother's trauma. Hubbard also wrote that for the first 24 hours after birth, infants should not be touched, cleaned or spoken to, and that mothers should refrain from speaking in the presence of their babies for the first week after birth."

It takes a special kind of intelligence to be this counter-intuitive. It may seem like immediately caressing and consoling a child after childbirth, establishing the mother child bond, is the right thing to do, but why rely on millenia of human experience when a guy selling a book says otherwise?

What really dissapoints me though was Hubbard's lack of vision. I mean here you are, inventing a religion out of thin air, pretty certain that people will be stupid enough to follow (it's human nature), so why not throw a few bones to all fellas. Quiet birth is great, but even greater would have been nag-free sports watching. Honey, you know you're not allowed to interrupt me during the football game - page 84, Dianetics, Vol. 2. All that nagging about the lawn is imprinting onto me! Don't you want me to recapture my Thetan?

Save Me White Jesus!

Black Jesus, it's over for us. I gave a brother a shot and what happens? At 5:00 yesterday I get a call that my building is about to be padlocked with all my stuff still inside. Fortunately, no padlocking occurred but that's the last time I'll be reaching out to you. What's up White Jesus? Look, I won't lie, I have my issues with you but cut me a break - you're a myth. Besides, back when I used to go to church as a child, I used to say stuff like - so they expect us to believe we came from apes, why aren't apes still turning into people? huh, can they answer that one? See, I was for intelligent design waaaay before it was cool - and I was only 10! Doesn't that count for something? So you know, if you help me through these next few days I promise I'll only consider you the face of the God I don't believe in. Cool?

The Food Network Effect

Anyone else find that they are cooking more, or preparing new dishes based on what they've seen on Food Network? I recently started cooking more in an effort to control what I'm eating. The Food Network and a few cooking shows on PBS have definitely made an impact. Last night I made burgers. I seasoned my ground sirloin with the usual spices, but then added breadcrumbs, grated parmesean cheese, lemon juice, red pepper flakes, and cilantro. I then stuffed the patties with a mixture of onion, garlic, and mushrooms that I had previously sauteed in white wine. On a toasted bakery roll I applied an avocado spread, spinach leaves, sliced plum tomatoes, and some grated cheddar/jack cheese. Pre-food network, my burgers would have consisted of salt, pepper, and a bun. I'm not saying I'm a great cook - I'm not - but things are getting tastier (and healthier) in Big D's kitchen. Discuss.

Email For People With Too Much Money

Check out Millionares24.com, an email account that costs $399 a year month - a bargain really, cause how else is the world to know that you are a fool who is easily parted from your money? This plus a 212 area code - straight pimpin'.

In Japan, It's A Compliment

Sure hope these guys don't sign up to tour the states, they'd be in for tough lesson on what gets lost in translation. Meet the Gosperats, a Japanese RnB act that performs in blackface.

Exciting

Reports are circulating that the next generation Toyota Prius will be capable of over 110 miles per gallon. Notwithstanding all the caveats - the technology is immature, expensive, and optimal fuel mileage is difficult to achieve in real world driving conditions - it's still very promising to see these strides being made in what is really the infancy of the hybrid automobile market. Higher gasoline prices will hurt some in the short run, but in the long run the pressure for more fuel efficient vehicles will only help drive the development and production of even more practical and effective hybrid vehicles. If Detroit had a clue, they'd be pushing to take the lead in what is clearly the future of automobiles. In the meanwhile, look to Japan to continue blazing away.

Best Use of Easter Candy Ever

Gotta love these flame-retardant marshmallow treats:

Save Me Black Jesus!

As some of you know, I finally found a new place to live, unfortunately, I won't be moving out of my dying building until the 18th, not the 10th. This is unfortunate because I've gotten more information about the structural problems at my building and it's grim. Each rumbling of the subway has become a stress inducing event. Did the subway rumble always seem so bad or am I just more aware of it? Black Jesus, I know I've expressed some doubts about your divinity, don't blame me, you made me into the free thinking non-believing heathen that I am (thanks). Nonetheless, in the off chance you might be listening, I'd really, really enjoy hanging out with the living for a little longer so I'd appreciate it if you let the building stand until me and my neighbors all get out. We cool? BTW, thanks for helping me find a place and avoiding a broker fee (especially that). On the other hand, why'd you let me move into this deathtrap to begin with? Yeah, I know, you work in mysterious ways ...

Keep The Faith

I let out some frustration a couple of weeks back on the lack of leadership in the Democratic party. And I still feel that a more cohesive message and vision is needed. But, according to this Washington Monthly piece by Amy Sullivan, the Dems have been more successful than we might think:

"On virtually all of the major slips this White House has made in the past year, there have been unnoticed Democrats putting down the banana peels. One of the best examples—and certainly the issue that sent Bush's poll numbers southward—was the Dubai port deal. The little-noticed administration decision to contract with a United Arab Emirate-owned company to run terminals at six ports around the United States mushroomed into a public relations disaster for which the Bush administration was uncharacteristically unprepared. Within a week of the story breaking, congressional Republicans had vowed to pass legislation undoing the deal, Bush angrily declared he would veto such legislation, and polls showed that three-quarters of Americans were concerned the deal would jeopardize American security. Even more damaging, the issue shifted public opinion about who can best protect the country from future acts of terrorism. For the first time since 9/11, Democrats pulled even with Republicans on this question."

In Response to Peaceful Protests ...

From a broadcast by right-wing radio host Brian James in Arizona:

"What we’ll do is randomly pick one night - every week - where we will kill whoever crosses the border. Step over there and you die. You get to decide whether it’s your lucky night or not. I think that would be more fun…[I’d be] happy to sit there with my high-powered rifle and my night scope."

You know, I'm quite sure that's exactly what Jesus would do. I wouldn't expect less from the heart of the party of God. Where's the FCC on this?Isn't this the equivalent of yelling fire in a crowded theater? Inciting mob violence? Nipples bad; calling for murder ok? What chumps, these NRA freaks, they lust over fantasies of killing people, yet, when faced with a chance to serve in the war they've championed, the war they claim is about American survival, they stay home, looking to pull out their guns on people they know won't be firing back. For more on the Culture of Chickenhawks, see this.

I Surrendered

Park Slope's 5th Avenue restaurant row was swamped this past Friday night. Good weather and the tail end of Restaurant Week combined to draw out the masses - seemingly all of them. I foolishly thought I'd have my choice of places to eat but even at 9:00 pm lines were literally running out the doors of all my top choices. Unwilling to wait an hour and a half we walked up and down the strip until we found a place that could take us immediately; the French Bistro, Moutarde.

Moutarde feels the part - the tile floors, tin ceiling, and shabby chic decor provide believable French atmospherics. Once seated we were served a complimentary vegetable and mustard plate featuring 5 unique and tasty mustards (natch). Service was prompt and professional. To start we had a goat cheese salad, and asparagus in morel sauce; both tasty. For dinner we had a goat cheese stuffed Salmon and a grilled Tuna steak.

The manner in which dinner is served is interesting. Each diner receives a base plate with nicely mashed potatoes and julienned vegetables. Then each person's entre is brought out and served from the pan in which it was cooked. Portions were large and the dishes were creamy, rich, savory, and filling. I was too full to consider desert.

The decor, food, and service all hit high marks. The bill for two appetizers, two entrees, and three drinks came to $82 before gratuity. Moutarde is located on the corner of 5th Avenue and Carroll Street in Park Slope, Brooklyn.

Sorry, All Full

Tom Toles:

Correlations

I've been a big fan of the Southern Poverty Law Center ever since I heard one of their attorneys speak at a lecture sponsored by my law school. The SPLC is a non-profit civil rights law firm and educational institution. Like most non-profits, funding is always tight so chip in if you like what they're about. I remember one particular passage from the speech that day. The speaker described how prison sentences for particular crimes were compared through the lens of the race of the perpetrator and the race of the victim. Not surprisingly they found that the harshest sentences (for identical crimes) went to black perpetrators of crimes against whites. The shocking part came when the statistical analysis was performed. Statistically speaking, the correlation between race (victim and perpetrator) and the sentence imposed, was stronger than the correlation between smoking cigarettes and lung cancer. Marlboro executives overheard saying: Seriously?

Pre-Kwotebel Book Reviews

The book reviews are slow in coming these days so I thought I'd link to the reviews I posted on my original web site. The reviews are brief but get the job done. Check them out if you're looking for book ideas and recommendations.

I Use This Card To Pay Off This Card ...

From Overheard:

Suit #1: I don't know if I have enough on this one card.
Suit #2: Do you have another one?
Suit #1: Yeah, but do you think they'll let me use more than one?
Suit #2: Look, there's a brotha on the register. He'll understand.

--Target, 225th Street

Take That Copper

How many bullets would the cops have fired if a black person had knocked this cop down? Let's not even imagine the carnage that would have ensued if this happened during the Guiliani era (what's 41 X 500?). What kind of charges would the perpetrators have been facing for assaulting cops and setting fire to a police car? Gotta love the NY media, not a single one labelled this a riot. I wonder if any of the protestors found some food along the way. I can't help but think of that Chappelle joke from Killin' Them Softly - I'm sorry officer, I ... didn't know I couldn't do that.

You'll Flush and You'll Like It (II)

We all know city politics is notoriously corrupt, but damn this is pretty incredible. Remember the waterless urinal saga in Philly? Well, it's been resolved but check out these key graphs from the Inquirer:

A waterless-urinals agreement is in the can, and that means that the Comcast Center will be able to install the environmentally friendly basins in its new headquarters, a spokesman for Mayor Street announced last night ...

Liberty, however, was forced to accept a long list of conditions to open the way for the green devices. Most significantly, it agreed to install standard water lines with the urinals, although they are unnecessary and will not be connected. The plumbers contend this is a backup measure, in case the urinals don't work

And I thought New York had the most retarded real estate scene. Who knew, the plumbers are only worried about the developer's best interests. Unreal!

Only One of These is Offensive

In Case You're Confused About Where I Stand

Southpaws

If you're into progessive politics, the left side of the blogosphere, liberalities in all its various forms, check out this year's Koufax Award Winners. This is a great resource for those of you looking for smart, well written commentary from a point of view that isn't retarded.

Et Tu Mini?

I see your Franken-Vette and your Geo-Camino, and raise you one Mini-Camino. Will the madness ever stop?

Your Toddler wants Bass

At $25, I guess it doesn't really matter how bad these sound. Your young daughter is going to love kicking her Aaron Carter CD through these bad boys. (I'm thinking of you, Arkasippi.)

Thanks For the Heads Up

The only thing I asked my landlord when I first learned of the problems with my building was to give me ample heads up as to when I had to move. I received this today, April 1. What a joke. I guarantee you no one in the building plans to comply with this.

No Eye Babies

This is the story of a totalitarian christian college (unaccredited) in Pensacola, FL. Making Eye Babies might be called flirting in the rest of the world, but at Pensacola Christian, looking at the eyes of a person of the opposite gender is strictly forbidden and can get you expelled (the official term for it is ocular intercourse; I don't know about you, but flirting is not what I think of when I hear the term ocular intercourse). Here are a choice few snippets but definitely read the article:

Movies are also forbidden, including those rated G. Music is restricted to classical or approved Christian ("contemporary Christian" artists are deemed too worldly). Students are allowed to watch television news at 6 o'clock, but that's it. The TVs are controlled by college employees, who flip a switch to black out the commercials, lest students see anything inappropriate.

There are three levels of official punishment at Pensacola (four, if you count expulsion). Students can be "socialed," "campused," or "shadowed." Students who are socialed are not allowed to talk to members of the opposite sex for two weeks. Those who are campused may not leave the college grounds for two weeks or speak to other campused students.

Students routinely turn each other in for violating rules and are rewarded by the administration for doing so. According to several former students, those who report classmates are more likely to become floor leaders.

Internet access was not restored until last year, and it comes with significant restrictions. There are a few hundred approved Web sites; students must ask permission to visit any other site. Amazon and eBay, for instance, are reportedly not on the approved list. Several students say they leave the campus to surf the Web.

This is one of those cases where, you know, as retarded as it is and sounds, we're lucky to live in a country where people are free to make retarded choices. Even for the most faithful, however, it's got to suck to pay to be treated this way, to subject yourself to un-appealable expulsion over the most basic of human behaviors, only to face the reality that you've spent thousands of dollars and years of time and effort to obtain credits that no other college will honor. Sucks for you, but I guess your reward will come in heaven ...

Get Your Buzz On - With The Quickness!

Behold, the caffeine inhaler. This seems like an overdose waiting to happen; how soon before some X'd up raver's heart explodes because he took 10 hits of this? Who is this even marketed to? I get started each morning with some caffeine, but I actually enjoy the coffee that goes with it. I've never just want the caffeine. I do like the concept though, pehaps they'll find a way to use this to deliver other stimulants.

For The House Heads

I've been enjoying Milk Audio for a few years now. If you're into house and DJ music, this site is definitely worth a listen. They feature DJs from Europe, Canada and the US. A recently added mix from Dmitri from Paris is kinda hot. Check 'em out.