Wing Man (for blame)

Most guys need to have wronged a woman (real or perceived) before they've earned her scorn. Not me. I have the dubious honor of being on the hit lists of numerous women who I'm not married to or dating. These women, the wives and girlfriends of friends, have it in for me big time. Why? Am I cheating on them? Well no, we're just friends. Have I been breaking promises to them? Nope, no promises made, no promises broken. Am I an inconsiderate lover? Never - to them. No, nothing I've done justifies the scorn; I'm scorned because of what the boyfriends and husbands of these women blame me for (with a handy translation just below)

Honey, I would have been home on time but Dave wanted to hang out a little later.
What's the big deal, it's not that late

Sweetie, I know I promised I'd stop smoking so much but Dave didn't want to smoke alone.
I didn't want to smoke alone

Of course I'd rather spend time with the family tonight but I'm worried that Dave is really down and needs some support.

I need some time away from the family

I tried to get Dave to plan the vacation to Amish country, but he insisted we go to Amsterdam.
What's wrong with Amsterdam?

Baby, I didn't realize I missed your call, Dave's apartment gets horrible cell phone reception.

I purposely ignored your call

Honey, Dave never told me there were gonna be strippers at the party. You know how inconsiderate he is!

Thank God Dave got the strippers.

Worse, these guys sometimes start believing the lies they make up about me. I've been chastised for not acknowledging the valid points made by their wives. "You've got to admit Dave, it's not unreasonable for her to want me to spend more time at home." Then go home motherfucker! Why are you telling me? Tell her.

Whatever, I love my friends. I'm glad that they look forward to hanging out with me and even getting in trouble at home in order to do it. But seriously, man up fellas, you guys are making your wives direct a lot of negative karma at me. It'd be nice to know that if one of your wives saw me on the side of the road one day in need of help, she'd stop and give a brother a ride.

PS: If any of my friend's wives happen to read this post, I'm not talking about your husband.