Newlyweds - Listen Up

The Reverend Moon, billionaire owner of Fox News in print, aka The Washington Times, self-proclaimed messiah, friend of the right, and tax cheat, has some bedroom instructions for you - that is, if you want to see Satan defeated.

First, the Holy Salting:

C. Holy Salting

The room must be sanctified. To do so, begin with a prayer offered something like the following:

"We are going to carry out the 3-day ceremony in this room. Please sanctify this room so that this place may become a holy place."

Continue with a prayer of gratitude, etc., then....

"In order that Satan cannot invade this room, we sanctify it in the names of the Father, the Son, the Holy Spirit, our True Parents and (your name)."

The room and the bathroom should be Holy Salted:

(1) Stand in the center of the room. Pray briefly as above.

(2) Remain standing in the same spot.

(3) Sprinkle Holy Salt three times in a northerly direction. Then sprinkle Holy Salt three times in a southerly direction. Then sprinkle Holy Salt three times in an easterly direction. Then sprinkle Holy Salt three times in a westerly direction.

(4) Sanctify all other things used in the ceremony, such as the bed, bed sheets, pillows, etc.

After some lame church prescribed sex, it gets really disgusting:

(4) Care of the Holy Handkerchief

After the act of love, both spouses should wipe their sexual areas with the Holy Handkerchief. Hang the handkerchief to dry naturally and keep them eternally. They must be kept individually labeled and should never be laundered or mixed up.

Never laundered? That's foul. Read all the gory details here.