Most of you don't know this but my last day at S+W will be tomorrow, Friday. My boss said it wasn't working out. As those of you who've been checking in on this site for a while know, I've been expecting this. Frankly, my boss would have done me a bigger favor had he let me know back in February. Oh well, it's back to temping again and more thinking about where I want to go in this legal biz. The timing sucks - I mean in between dealing with my condemned building, finding a new place, battling my landlord for compensation, and travelling home to Buffalo for Easter cancelling my trip home to Buffalo for Easter, worrying about getting another gig is not a stress I need right now. Such is life; Black Jesus, are you punishing me? Of all people I thought you'd understand what it's like for a brother in this business. Petty jealousy is why we never get ahead, Black Jesus. Wait, I think White Jesus is trying to tell me something ... it's not Black Jesus' fault, Moses is in charge of the legal department. Gotcha. Since my first poll was so successful, I'd thought it'd be fitting to ask you all how I should spend my last day on the job.
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5 comments:
Big-D I think you should do all of the above (gay porn and kiddie porn for the vacationing partner though). also, hit on some of the hot women you always wanted but did not on account of being professional. you can also curse out some folks that you dislike. don't forget to take a fax machine, printer and PC as souvenirs.
A few more options:
ONE-POINT OFFICE DARES
1) Run one lap around the office at top speed.
2) Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.
3) Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say,"Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye."
4) To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over
your ears and grimace. ;
5) Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out,
say,"Sorry, I really prefer it this way."
6) Walk sideways to the photocopier.
7) While riding in an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the
doors open.
THREE-POINT DARES
1) Say to your boss, "I like your style" and shoot him with
double-barreled fingers.
2) Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask, "Did you
get all that, I don't want to have to repeat it."
3) Page yourself over the intercom (do not disguise your voice).
4) Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from
the nozzle (there must be a 'non-player' within sight).
5) Shout random numbers while someone is counting.
FIVE POINT DARES
1) At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be
nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (5 extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).
2) Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch
you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.
3) For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as "Bob."
4) Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do a number two."
5) After every sentence, say 'Mon' in a really bad Jamaican
accent. As in "The report's on your desk, Mon." Keep this up for 1 hour.
6) While an office mate is out, move their chair into the
elevator.
7) In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead
repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, all of you just shut up!"
8) At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, "As God as my witness, I'll never go hungry again."
9) In a colleague's DAY PLANNER, write in the 10 am slot: "See
how I look in tights."(5 Extra points if it is a male, 5 more if he is
your boss)
10) Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask, "You
wanna trade?"
11) Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same
person: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
12) Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, "I
can't talk about it."
13) Posing as a maitre d', call a colleague and tell him he's
won a lunch for four at a local restaurant. Let him go.
14) Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc) during
a very important conference call.
15) Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.
16) Hang a 2' long piece of toilet roll from the back of your
pants and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out.
17) Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuits,
smashing each biscuit with your fist.
18) During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair
towards the door.
19) Arrange toy figures on the table to represent each meeting>
attendee, move them according to the movements of their
real-life counterparts.
And if that wasn't enough for you... How to keep a healthy level of insanity:
1) At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and
point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2) Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are
going to have to let one of you go."
3) Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4) Put your waste basket on your desk and label it "IN".
5) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has
gotten over his or her caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6) Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."
7) Don't use any punctuation
8) Use, too...much; punctuation!
9) As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10) Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
11) Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
12) Sing along at the opera.
13) Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
14) Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of
jungle sounds all day.
15) Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend
their party because you're not in the mood.
16) Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name,
"Rock Hard."
17) When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won! I Won! 3rd time this week!!!"
18) When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot
yelling, "Run for your lives, they're loose!"
And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity....
19) Send this to everyone in your address book, even if they
sent it to you or have asked you not to send them stuff like this
those are really funny. i especially like:
5) Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out,
say,"Sorry, I really prefer it this way";
6) Walk sideways to the photocopier;
4) Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do a number two";
--In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead
repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, all of you just shut up!"
--Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same
person: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
12) Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, "I
can't talk about it.;
and
-- Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."
so how about it Big-D? Do you feel motivated?
Jen,
Great list. I'll let you know if I pull any of them off.
so which option did you choose??
lol
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