Reconquista II - Canaries In The Coal Mine

Little did I know when I moved to Sunset Park that I would be an island in a sea of enemies. The Puerto Ricans I knew about, just give them some Bacardi and a set of dominos and you can pretty much neutralize them, but these Mexicans, they're not so easy to deal with. Yesterday morning on the way to work I saw hordes of them entering these large factory looking buildings under the BQE. Ignoring my own personal safety and using special-ops skills I've gained during countless hours of Halo, I snuck inside. I was blown away by what I saw - hundreds of men and women working with assembly line precision making what looked like dresses. Apparently the invading army will be dressed in drag - it's not enough that they want to destroy our culture, they also want to force the homosexual agenda on us. I observed the proceedings for a while and then started making my exit. On my way out of the enemy camp I had a very close call, a Korean woman starting yelling at me - you work, you work now, work, work - I maced her, punched her in the kidney and escaped. A couple blocks away I stopped at a Tamale cart to re-fuel and have time to think. Imagine my surprise when I realized it was the same Tamale vendor from the other day. I'm still a bit shaken by the encounter but nobody said war was going to be easy.

Me: Hey man I know we got off to a rough start last time.

RMOTS: Hay dios mio, como es possible que este idiota me encontro otra vez?

Me: The cultural differences between us are not insurmountable - I know your people; I've gotten a few handjobs in Tijuana. (BTW, do you know any places like that around here?)

RMOTS: Señor, no hablo ingles.

Me: Peace will only be achieved if you give up your claims to the southwest. Don't get me wrong, you can still live and work there, fuel the economy and provide invaluable labor to local businesses, but only as a second class citizen - first class is already booked.

RMOTS: Chinga tu madre, yo soy Hondureño.

Me: Eskimo, Mexican, whatever. You're getting me all wrong, I want to help. I hear there's an opening at the salvage yard. I could give you a recommendation.

RMOTS: Virgen de Guadalupe, dame la paciencia para no matar este pendejo.

Me: Virgin of Guadalupe? Oh I saw her once, I lost an auction on Ebay for a half eaten tortilla with her image on it, flour I believe. I never have luck on ebay, I also lost out on the nun bun. But that's besides the point, I can't get mad at you for praying. Catholicism is a religion of idolatry but it's better than nothing. Just remember, there are no borders in heaven but there are gated communities ... hey, wait, you don't have to run away - I don't work for la migra. Damn, I can't keep losing this guy. Maybe I'll run into him again ...

I was able to snap a picture with my cell phone before he ran off. Notice how he brazenly wears the hat of the invading army. There can be no delay, we have to nuke Oxnard immediately, sure there'll be some collateral damage but would destroying Los Angeles and San Francisco really be so bad? A lot of people don't have the stones to make tough decisions but I tell ya, don't put me in the control room at NORAD cause I'd clear the decks for once and all.