Black Jesus, it's over for us. I gave a brother a shot and what happens? At 5:00 yesterday I get a call that my building is about to be padlocked with all my stuff still inside. Fortunately, no padlocking occurred but that's the last time I'll be reaching out to you. What's up White Jesus? Look, I won't lie, I have my issues with you but cut me a break - you're a myth. Besides, back when I used to go to church as a child, I used to say stuff like - so they expect us to believe we came from apes, why aren't apes still turning into people? huh, can they answer that one? See, I was for intelligent design waaaay before it was cool - and I was only 10! Doesn't that count for something? So you know, if you help me through these next few days I promise I'll only consider you the face of the God I don't believe in. Cool? Thursday, April 13, 2006
Save Me White Jesus!
Black Jesus, it's over for us. I gave a brother a shot and what happens? At 5:00 yesterday I get a call that my building is about to be padlocked with all my stuff still inside. Fortunately, no padlocking occurred but that's the last time I'll be reaching out to you. What's up White Jesus? Look, I won't lie, I have my issues with you but cut me a break - you're a myth. Besides, back when I used to go to church as a child, I used to say stuff like - so they expect us to believe we came from apes, why aren't apes still turning into people? huh, can they answer that one? See, I was for intelligent design waaaay before it was cool - and I was only 10! Doesn't that count for something? So you know, if you help me through these next few days I promise I'll only consider you the face of the God I don't believe in. Cool? 
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5 comments:
You are going to burn in hell! Such blasphemy right before Easter Sunday nonetheless! I am going to pray for you Big D...and that crazy sinner Shotblock101.
:-P
David,
Thank you for your request, my son.
Unfortunately, I am out of the office today preparing for this weekend.
In my absence (sorry again), please feel free to try your luck with some of the other famous Jesuses:
The Basketball Jesus aka Larry Bird
The "other" Black Jesus aka Michael Vick
And if you're really desperate you might try former Philadelphia Phillies shortstop Ivan DeJesus.
Good Luck!
Thanks, Jesus Blanco. I hate when people don't have their colleagues cover for them when they know they're going to be out of the office.
I cant believe you bailed on Black Jesus!!! As you may not know (so i'll now brag) i recently came back from the vatican and the white jesus is a mediveal florentine contraption promoted by the renaissance masters. michaelangelo played a big role in this whitification. Walking on water (hydrophobia), making food stretch to feed the multitudes when there aint enough, being greeted by his freinds with the phrase "What up, God?" and being profiled, sold out and harassed by the authorities on bogus charges? does that sound like any white guy you know???
because of racism, black jesus really didnt get off the ground until a young southside chicago street "arteest" named JJ Evans painted our Lord in his truest state. no one except his foxy neighbor wilona woods and his radical young brother michael supported him. thelma was also very hot, by the way. i saw it on "Good Times" as it was playing on the History Channel, or maybe Nick at Night. Speaking of radicals, Further proof came from Spike Lee's "Malcolm X" when Brother Malcolm used the bible to clown some cracker jailhouse preacher, because "his feet were color of brass, and his hair wooly like a sheep". He got him good!!!
By the way, is anybody outraged at the price of cable television these days?
Look, I need results asap. I can't be operating on Black Jesus Time.
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